Strength Based Living When it Feels Like Your Body is Betraying You With Nancy Dueck | Ep. 25

Chanci Dawn: 00:00:05

This show is about freedom. Freedom from your constant struggle with food and letting the size of your thighs determine your worth. Join me weekly for no hope back unfiltered girlfriend kind of conversations that will inspire, teach and empower you. As we tune into our own body's wisdom and tune out of the diet industry blinds, we can live our most radiant, pleasurable and fulfilled lives. My name is Chauncey dawn. I'm a non diet nutritionist embodiment and mindset coach. But most importantly, I'm a woman on a mission to grow a deeply connected and conscious relationship with food and my body. And I'm here inviting you to do the same. Let's go.

Chanci Dawn: 00:00:50

Hello, hello. Welcome to number 25. Today's the 25th episode of it tastes like freedom. And I am I'm beyond thrilled. I just can't even I just can't even actually express in words how much it means to me that this podcast is out there that this truth is getting out there that there's listeners like you listening and benefiting from it and hopefully sharing with others. And I just you know, on that note, I just want to say how much I value you. You show up here and you take the time for yourself to listen and invest in yourself and in your own growth. And that is everything. That is why I'm doing this. That is why weekly I get in here and motivate myself to create this podcast to be able to serve you and thank you. You mean the world to me. Oh, I just have so many great things coming up on this show. Can't wait just to love on you. So with that being said, I want to introduce to you today's guest Her name is Nanci Dueck. And she's an emotional health coach who gained a passion for coaching after she herself experienced it firsthand and had a life changing realization that emotional health is a skill set. Most people are never taught and that learning and practicing these skills can dramatically improve even the negative effects of a mental health conditions like her own genetically pre pre position, clinical depression, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which I also happen to have. And this is actually how Nanci and I met and we will talk about that in the interview. So she couldn't understand why something so powerful was so under Todd and decided this needed to change. When the time came to pick a specialty for her coaching practice. She knew it had to be emotional health. Nanci is also a mother to five children ages 12 to 21, a wife of 23 years and has been a restaurant and homecare agency owner and operator. Nanci is amazing. This interview was so full of grace and wisdom. And I really really pray it serves you. Enjoy

Chanci Dawn: 00:00:55

welcome, Nanci, thank you so much for being on my show. This is great. I think it's wasn't quite a year ago that we met, but almost. Yeah, my gosh, here's Tucker just so for anyone listening in, I just got a new puppy. I had talked about him a couple of episodes earlier saying I was going to and he's whining away. And I'm not sure why because he's totally fine. But we might have some puppy whines and puppy barks. But that's just the way it is. I have a new baby. So yes, anyways, back when we first met, you actually connected with me on Facebook, and asked to interview me about PMDD because I had done a post on it and you found it. And I just loved our conversation. I felt really heard and understood. Right? You asked these questions that no one even my physician had asked me before. And I hadn't even started the podcast. But I'm like when I when I have you're on it. So I'm so happy you're here. And this is just this is so great. So can we just start by you sharing your journey and how you actually came to be in this place of passionately helping women with PMDD. And can you explain what PMDD is for people who don't know?

Nanci Dueck: 00:04:41

Yes, absolutely. And I'll try not to use like too many of the technical terms, right?

Chanci Dawn: 00:04:47

Yeah, yeah.

Nanci Dueck: 00:04:48

Well, first of all, let's say what PMDD is, right? It's basically a hormone based mood disorder. Some some in some areas that consider it i Got a gynecological disorder as well, or an endocrine endocrine disorder, but a mood disorder is really how it's generally viewed. And again, it's hormone based, but there's nothing wrong with the hormones. The problem is, at least that's what's considered right now the research is ongoing, there's not enough known. The problem is the brain's hypersensitivity or inability to deal with the constant fluctuations of hormones progesterone and estrogen throughout the cycle, right for a woman's cycle. And typically, the symptoms begin during what we call the luteal phase, which is just about the week or so before menstruation and continue for a few days after as well often. Now, that can totally vary. So one thing that I want is that if anyone hears our conversation today, and they're like, Huh, you know, that sounds kind of familiar. I want that to happen. And so one thing I always say is, if you look like online, it says like five days before menstruation is symptoms, well, that's not what I found at all. In interviews, I found that a lot of women are affected for half of the month, 14 days was not uncommon. So I just want everyone to know there can be a ton of variation in this in symptoms and how you experience it, all of it. Anyway, so what happens is, unfortunately, it's debilitating symptoms, and that's going to be emotional mood changes, mood swings, sensitivity, it's going to be irritability, anger, it's going to be anxiety, it's going to be severe depression, often hopelessness.

Chanci Dawn: 00:06:42

And I personally want to burn everything down. Yeah, my fists, no, my house, my relationships and run away from it all like that. Yeah.

Nanci Dueck: 00:06:53

And that's interesting, because that's that not completely this, but rage is one of the huge words and that's one thing that's not listed like online very often under the symptoms. But that came up almost every single time I talk to a woman about her symptoms was rage, just that irritability that's just almost uncontrollable, and having to deal with that is so difficult. Um, it can also be mental impairment. So like brain fog is a huge one that I personally really experience. I don't know about you, but not all women do. Okay? And then severe fatigue can be another one. In fact, the way it's actually explained scientifically is hyper Samia, I think is what it's called, where you're just so tired and sleepy, you can barely function. And then of course, there could be physical conditions. Some women have severe bleeding, extreme cramping. Now, what I will say about that is I found that a lot of women with PMDD might have like fibroids, or some other condition. Not all I don't personally, and so I don't know, though, if the cramping and the severe bleeding, the heavy bleeding are more associated with like other factors, or with the BCD. Right? Okay, um, flu like symptoms aren't uncommon, like, just feeling achy throughout the body. So the, the symptoms can vary a lot. Now, for me, I'll just tell you about my journey, then.

Chanci Dawn: 00:08:21

Yeah, please do and I'm gonna grab my little dog here. So tell me about your journey. I'm gonna come

Nanci Dueck: 00:08:27

over to grab your dog. I don't care at all. I am this curious dog lover. So

Chanci Dawn: 00:08:32

he's just whining and I'm like, I don't know what's going on here. I'm all about the dog. There we go. He could be part of it. There we go. Oh, come and get my like, Puppy voice out. Okay, keep going.

Nanci Dueck: 00:08:43

I am no stranger, first of all to mental illness. And not that this is considered necessarily a mental illness. It's a mood disorder. It's you know, hormone based, but some of the symptoms would cross over right in terms of mental illness, so I'll just leave it at that. But I'm no stranger to that. I grew up in a home with severe mental illness. My mother had struggled with mental illness my entire life. She was hospitalized a couple of times she, you know, suicidal, like all the things right? Which I'll come back to that because I personally believe she was being affected somewhat also by this condition. Um, but even though I have that knowledge and exposure, it took me quite a while. And this isn't this is not uncommon to realize what was going on with me. Um, I wouldn't

Chanci Dawn: 00:09:32

say just crazy half the time, right? Crazy. Yeah, Yep, absolutely.

Nanci Dueck: 00:09:37

You think you're crazy? Because you're fine. And then all of a sudden you're not at all like and you don't know what happened in between? Yeah, um, I would say that for me. I don't know if I had symptoms when I was younger. Some women do a lot don't until after like 20s, maybe after children. I would say about 2010 After the birth of my My fifth child, and somewhere between that and 2012, I started noticing that I might going crazy, right? So much anxiety. I didn't know if I was having like panic attacks. I didn't know if it was depression, like I couldn't even figure it out because it was so jumbled. Like the symptoms were so strange. And I, I just didn't even know what I was experiencing. Right. And so I didn't really I kept it to myself, right. That's what we do myself for probably quite a while. And then in about 2012, early 2013. Um, my husband comes home for work one day, and I was at home with my kids at the time. And he comes home from work one day, and I'm I mean, it's like, he lived, he worked close. So it might have been launched. But you know, it's lunchtime, I'm in my, my awful fuzzy robe. And I am just distraught, I can't stop crying. I honestly am so concerned because I don't know what's going on with me like what is going on? Between the anxiety and the hopelessness and all these things. I was just so confused, I was in tears. And he had maybe known that I had struggled off and on with a little bit of you know, those symptoms, but not very much at that point. But it was so consuming that day, that fortunately, he was a great partner jumped right on the internet, like we all do. And I honestly consider it almost by some miracle, he almost immediately stumbled across PMDD, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, and basically diagnosed me right then and there. Like it was in when he said the symptoms and how it works. It was so obvious to both of us. But I had never heard of this. You know, I knew what that there was PMS and like some like symptoms, things like that. But I had no clue how severe or how debilitating the symptoms could be. And that there was a thing that you know that that existed that explained it. And that's the first problem, right? Most women don't know that. Yeah, they don't even know that it exists.

Chanci Dawn: 00:12:13

Or you think it's just PMS. And, you know, you hear about PMS and you're like, okay, but this, this feels like so much more. Right? Yes. And not understanding. And that's what I think that's where often the crazy feeling comes from because it's like, how can other women handle this and keep functioning and what is wrong with me? What is actually wrong with me? And then, like, personally, for me, I started thinking often that it's my circumstances. And then in the coaching world, I'm like, Well, why can't I my bill thing? But no, I hear you. It really is. It's such a it's it's a very difficult, difficult thing until you have like you're saying, Here's a diagnosis and you're like, oh, yeah, okay, maybe I'm not crazy. You experiment you experience.

Nanci Dueck: 00:13:03

Absolutely. And I think that actually happens to so many women, where it's like a light went on, when they hear it once they see what it is a light just goes on. And they're like, oh my gosh, like, Yes, I'm not crazy. I'm not broken. Nothing's wrong with me. Right? And yeah, you're right. A lot of them's just wonder at first oh, maybe this is just normal. Maybe this is what all women deal with? Yeah. And they just handle it better than me. So then we shame ourselves. Yeah. But no, not at all. Absolutely. 100% of physical condition. Of course, it does affect us mentally, unfortunately. But so just to kind of jump back in, I would say 2013. I was like finally tracking my cycle, which I just gotta say, everybody should be doing that. Yeah. 100%. If anyone ever comes to me and says they're struggling with like any kind of anxiety, depression, I always say, how do you know how it relates to your cycle? Are you tracking your cycle? Because often it does to some degree, even if the cycle is not completely causing it, it can really be affecting it. So I just always have to put that out there. If you're a woman, you're a cyclical being. And I feel like we need to embrace that. And like, check that watch. See how it how it affects us. Because it gives us so much more understanding of ourselves that we give ourselves more patience and Grace salutely

Chanci Dawn: 00:14:28

Nanci, and I'm just gonna plug in the little episode. recommendation to go back for anyone listening and listen to Tara McCann's interview because it's all about tracking your cycle. And I actually interviewed her not that long after you and I have first I met and it was during that and I'm like, this is going to be so good. And I would have loved to have them closer together. But this is perfect the way it is. But yeah, go back and listen to that. And And because they really ties in with what we're talking about for sure, sure.

Nanci Dueck: 00:15:05

100%. I just, I, you know, I want women to be able to identify themselves again, as someone who has a cycle. And that's great. Like, that's a part of who we are. Like, I feel like we really should embrace that and know ourselves better based on that. And it affects so much even food, even our feelings towards food, even what we eat throughout the month, you know, all those things. Absolutely. But anyway, so I started tracking probably in 2013, and I started, you know, the natural supplements, and I tried some things there, and I did some things. And for about five years, I was able to manage with that. Now, when I say manage, I still had my periods of my times of severe symptoms, there was probably times where I could sleep two days straight. And for sure, the hopelessness and all those types of things. But it was it was okay, I could manage it. Right. Um, and then in 2018, we did something crazy. And we opened two businesses the same time. We opened a restaurant of all things. And so like stress levels just magnified, right, like out of the roof, like just so much stress. And it completely sort of triggered my symptoms. And they amplified significantly. And that's not uncommon either. Like there's the biological factors, right in our bodies. But there's also environmental factors that can make it better or worse, right. Like you said, circumstance? Well, yeah, it doesn't cause it at all, this is a physical condition. But there are circumstances that can make it harder to cope with or easier to cope with. Right, they can be more severe. Yeah. So at that point, I had to go to the doctor, and I had to figure out what I could do. And I did at that point, embrace medication. Right. So that's another interesting thing in my research, um, unfortunately, it's not understood well enough, you know, this. Yeah. A lot of women. Sorry, I'm gonna kind of relate back to their experiences with my own if you don't mind, because it just Oh,

Chanci Dawn: 00:17:13

really just let this flow like, like I always say, this was just us having a conversation and everyone gets to listen in on it. So wherever it goes, is where it goes, it's perfect,

Nanci Dueck: 00:17:22

perfect. Well, just because like I'm thinking of me going in, so I just want to share that. It's really interesting. First of all, I also want to say many women are diagnosed by a family member, by a partner, by a parent, even just by a friend, who's like, Hey, have you noticed? Is there like a pattern, you know, to what's going on with you here? I noticed you're having a hard time. And I remember when you were last month, do you think there's something um, and then, of course, some are self diagnosed. And then of course, there's also a portion that are diagnosed by a doctor. Now, that does not always happen. Women often go in and explain their circumstances. Some doctors definitely say, oh, yeah, I know what that is. Here's all about it. Some say I heard of it. But I have no idea what it what it is. They have to look it up. Right and what just seems crazy, it's and then there's plenty, that pretend like it's not a thing, you know, that still say, even in our age, it's all in your head. That doesn't exist. Like that still happens. Not all the time, but it still happens. And so I that's one thing, just to be aware of, because if women go into the doctor, and they're kind of feeling like, well, maybe I am still crazy, my doctor doesn't think this is a thing. That's not go to a different doctor. Right?

Chanci Dawn: 00:18:45

So um, stop advocate, don't stop until you get the answers that you deserve. And that's for sure you deserve Yes.

Nanci Dueck: 00:18:52

Now luckily, I had a wonderful nurse practitioner. And she was willing to accept, just like almost no questions asked my knowledge of my body, right. And of myself with my condition. Of course, we talked about it, but she was 100% willing to listen and to believe, I don't think she necessarily knew a ton about it, to be honest. But like she heard me and understood and listened to the symptoms and realized, and so at that point, I did go on medications. That's one other thing I was going to bring up is that the main way that doctors are treating PMDD right now is just with SSRIs, right? Just Prozac would be the one that people would know most readily because of the serotonin levels and the difficulty receiving those and accepting those in the brain and all that. And I want to say right out, some people are all natural, and they want to be all natural, right? And some people are for medication, some people are anti medication, whatever you know works for Are you is right, like, try it, right? Like I tried the natural for five years. But there is a point with many women where they do need something and even though SSRIs are not medication is not like a solution, it doesn't fix anything. No, right? doesn't fix your brain and your brain's ability to like be okay with your hormones. But it really does help at least me significantly. I have to take two different medications because one alone is doesn't work for me. And so I'm always telling people listen, you sometimes you have to try different things. Sometimes you have to, and no one wants to do that. Because it's that's frustrating, right? You want to go in, you want to get a solution. You want it to work. Sometimes it's all about experimenting, right?

Chanci Dawn: 00:20:50

Yeah. And surrendering to that. I think it's a big one. Because personally, I had such a, I don't take medicine medication for it, currently, but I'm open to it, if it comes to that point, right. And I remember there was a couple of months ago, where I had a really, really bad month, and I messaged you, and I'm like, do you take medication? Because, yeah, you know, and, and I got through that, and circumstances actually changed in life. And now things are more manageable. So it's interesting, but I'm like, wow. And I really, really want to encourage you know, any of the listeners that just know you're not alone in this. And if there's what we really want to do, just like with everything, we want to just eliminate shame, we want to eliminate eliminate any sort of judgment or guilt. Because we're all individuals, and we need to support our wonderful bodies and our beautiful brains in the way that that she we always refer to our bodies as she she needs and requires. And there's so many options out there. So like knowing you're not alone. And there's so many women who are taking meds, and there's so many women who are finding alternatives. And there's so many women that meditation helps, like, who knows, but being able to just like breathe in that and take away the shame and get curious, just as we always want to do right curious minds and compassion, to see what you need personally. So I love that you've brought this up, because I think there's such a stigma, you know, around medication and mental health and all of this, and we just need to like, throw that away. That does not serve us

Nanci Dueck: 00:22:39

it doesn't. And you know, I think I'm very outspoken about it. I tell people pretty readily about my condition, not like, Hey, I'm I'm Nanci Dueck and I have PMDD Right? Like I'm not hesitant, right with anybody that I associate with frequently and medication. And the reason I'm probably like that is because I grew up with the person, the mom, where it was all hidden. Hmm. It was not okay, at that time to have a mental illness. Like it was not okay to take medication for it. There was so much shame and secrecy that I think that made her symptoms and her struggles. 100 times worse, because no one understood I couldn't even tell anyone. Right?

Chanci Dawn: 00:23:24

Like, yeah, like, I just feel this deep sense of sadness for her and for other women. And men, obviously people who are living in the shadows of the shame when Yeah, so yes, let's be to really sink into that. And like get out of the shadows people?

Nanci Dueck: 00:23:45

Absolutely. There is no shame. Yeah. And I tell people, if you had a heart condition, if you had diabetes, if you had, you know, these other conditions, you wouldn't be sewing like embarrassed for people like to know, maybe they would think it's oh, you know, you're that you're not crazy. It's not real. PMDD and a lot of these disorders are just as much of a physical condition as any of those. Yeah, it's the same thing. It's it's a chronic condition, you know, and if you had other chronic conditions, you know, you wouldn't be so shameful. But when it affects our mood, and our brain, we kind of wonder if it's just us, right? And if there's something wrong with us, and so we hide it, and that's not doing anybody any good. No. People suffering so much in in silence.

Chanci Dawn: 00:24:36

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Nanci Dueck: 00:24:39

Um, and last something I was gonna say sorry. Oh, oh, I did want to say this too, because another thing that it doesn't really say online for symptoms is suicidal ideation. But that is huge. Yep, huge. So um, Many of the women I talked to had suicidal ideation, some had attempted suicide. And actually, I think the stat is that 30% of women with PMDD will attempt or successfully attempt suicide. So it's really serious. And that's, I think that's why I was gonna say it is because when for me with the medication, one thing that happened is, I noticed that, you know, I would just be absolute hopelessness during that time, and it's not even just, people don't understand depression. It's not sadness. Really, it's nothing Ness. Yeah, it is. No, there's nothing, you're empty, there's no hope you're numb, right? So people aren't usually depressed about something that even happened. It's just their body, not able to function the way it's supposed to. And so they can't have those feelings that most people get to have day in and day out, that make you you know, like, okay with life and happy to live and get up. So I think one day, I was, can

Chanci Dawn: 00:26:01

I just share one little thing? I'm like, because you know, it's so interesting having this something that's so huge in my own personal Yeah, I'm talking about this, about that numb and just nothingness. Like, I remember walking, and like, in the kitchen, I had all of these bills I need to pay sitting there. And I looked, and I literally, I knew I had to do it. But it just seemed like absolutely impossible to even pay a phone bill. And, and it was during that time, it was that was one of my worst times when I remember, I was like, I can't do the simplest of things. Like I just can't bring myself to it. And then I would wake up every morning with the image of a gun to my head. And yeah, it was, it was so scary. And just where you and I am wanting to share this. Because yes, when you talk about the suicide aspect of it, I'm like, it is so scary. And it there, again, more shame wrapped up in it. And I'm a life coach, right? I support women all day long. And here, it's like, I wake up, and my brain is like, oh, you should hold a gun to your head, when I'm like, I don't want to do that. Right. And it was then with that I mentioned it to my doctor, she knew I struggled with really bad PMS, which I thought she was my doctor for over 20 years. And then I mentioned that to her. And she said, Oh, you have PMDD. And I was like holy Oh my goodness. And she actually was so pretty much casual about it, which was really helpful to me. Because there was not like this. Oh, whoa, you're thinking this every morning. It was just like, Oh, now we understand. And now we know how to help you. And that was everything. So again, listen, or if this is something you're dealing with, right? suicidal thoughts, images, that feel really scary to you. And you don't want to talk about it. Like, please do talk to your physician, talk to someone you trust, talk to your therapist, talk to your coach so that she can help you find, you know, encourage you to talk to your physician, right and get the support you need. Because it's so common. It is so

Nanci Dueck: 00:28:13

yes, yeah, I'm so glad you shared that because it is so common. And that's one thing that's great when someone like me gets to conduct those interviews, because when someone's telling me that she actually did put a gun to her head and almost pulled the trigger. I'm not like on the other end going. Like you did, I'm like, yeah, yeah, tell me more. I get it. Yeah. So it's just yeah, the stigma, though. It's so it's so different around that. But that was for me, that's when I decided medication was what I needed was when I was having those thoughts of, you know what, I really think I just want to drive my car off the side of the road. And I'm a happy person, right? Like, generally speaking, I'm a happy person. And so yeah, when you see those thoughts, and you're like, Wait, that's what's going on. And so it's important for people to know that too, because this is not a small thing. This is it's a pretty serious thing. I mean, these women every single month, and not all who don't have suicidal ideation, that doesn't mean you don't have it. But so many of them are feeling that way every single month. And that's just scary because too many are going to actually carry carry through with it. Plus, it's just no way to live. Most of them are always new. I don't really deserve Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Well, as you know, what happens and I'm sure you have this, this experience, maybe not as much now as you've learned about it, and like, worked through it, but in the past, and I did too. You spend half the month in the symptoms, and then the other half of the month you spend feeling so guilty and bad about everything you did instead or didn't do during the

Chanci Dawn: 00:29:46

symptoms. Oh, really? It's like you yes, you're like how am I like making this utter chaotic mess of your life because that's how you're feeling and then the other half the month trying to clean it. Try Exactly, and then terrified that that's going to happen again.

Nanci Dueck: 00:30:03

And just waiting. Yeah, next round, the next round is coming. And you know, I'm sure you now if you still sometimes want to fall into that, but for me now, because of right, the emotional health skills and things that I've, I've learned and picked up what I do and what I teach, I don't do that to myself anymore, really. But in the beginning, when you're not able to manage that as well, you just shame yourself, the entire month, you know, half the month, you're wanting to, you know, kill yourself the other half, you're shaming yourself. So it's just a really awful thing. And it's something that women need to know so that they can go in and get help. And just the awareness. Like once you know about it, that kind of changes everything. Um, one thing I guess,

Chanci Dawn: 00:30:49

go back to what you were saying there because I interrupted you. And do you remember what because we were talking, I feel bad for doing that. But I really want to share because

Nanci Dueck: 00:31:03

I will say real quick that there are other treatments. Some people try Well, there are people who tried acupuncture and the hypnotherapy and soma embody right coaching and and techniques. And then there is like hormonal therapy, bio identical, identical progesterone, you know, there's all kinds of things I even spoke with a couple of women who ended up resorting to hysterectomy, full hysterectomy, because they were think they were starting. They were at the point where it was like, I can live or I can lose my ovaries like, but my life is is on the line. Like it was that severe that they knew they wouldn't be around in five years if they didn't have the hysterectomy. So medication is not the only thing supplements aren't the only thing there are other things, but no woman's body, no woman's brain is the same. And so there is no one solution. And yet, unfortunately, it really is, to some degree a guessing game. Mm hmm. Um, but one thing that always helps is, and I think it's interesting you talk about embodied eating, right? embodied living? Oh, yes.

Chanci Dawn: 00:32:15

Well, absolutely. I mean, the way we do food is the way we do life. And it's yes, living as an embodied woman is the foundation of it all.

Nanci Dueck: 00:32:26

Absolutely. And it's necessary. If you want to, you know, live a good life with PMDD, you have to learn embodied living.

Chanci Dawn: 00:32:36

So in this, because this is what we're all about here on this on this podcast. Can you tell us how, what that means to you? And how you practice that?

Nanci Dueck: 00:32:46

Absolutely, yes. Um, I would say and I want to say in the beginning, it's noticing, right? In the beginning, it's just noticing, it's like you're going about your day, and things are off, and you feel irritable, you feel whatever it is, and then going, Oh, I wonder where my cycles that I wonder what's going on? Like, just it's that curiosity, right in the beginning. And then it's not just noticing, but then it's acting on it. Okay. You know what, maybe I need to clear my calendar today. Maybe I need to take a nap today. Right? Maybe today is the day I need to make sure and schedule a lunch date. Like, it's just noticing what your body is doing, what it's telling you, and then responding to it and kind. And to do that, though, the thing is, we have so many societal norms, we have rule books, you know, and I call them manuals. Yes, we have them for ourselves, we have them for our physical body, which is why women with PMDD feel like their body has betrayed them. Like I went through that where my my body's betraying me, right. And we have them for our lives, like what should happen how we should act, right? We have to let that go. And that's easier said than done. It takes a lot of practice. But we have to identify what our manuals what our rule books are for ourselves and our bodies and our life. And then we have to realize and the the red flag there is going to be the word should. Yeah, all the shoulds and I know that's a catchphrase right now stop shooting yourself, right? But it's true. If you're hearing that word should in your mind that's in your that's in your, your robot for yourself. And we have to let it go. Because our rulebook will never align with what our body actually needs. And it will will not help us in our healing. And it will not even help us be like, more amazing, more productive because what happens is we think, Oh, I can't take a nap. I can't clear my calendar. I can't cancel that meeting. Like I can't do that. So we just try to push through it. But then we're not functioning well. Like everything goes downhill. Whereas if we listen into our body did what it needed, we actually would function better, right? So we're not really losing that time necessarily. We're kind of gaining it back in higher levels of productivity, once we've given our body what it needs. But we struggle with that so much, because society says this, or society says that, so we want to follow that path. But with embodied living, we just can't. Yeah, how much was their body?

Chanci Dawn: 00:35:29

So, so much wisdom? I just love that you brought this up. And, you know, when we look at what I teach is like the four pillars of embodiment, and that one is curiosity, right? That what you're talking about, dive getting into that awareness piece, right? The other is compassion. So you can lift that shame, lift that veil and go, this is okay. I love myself through this and what do I need? And then the other one is permission. And I like that because it really ties into what you're saying about dropping the manual, dropping the rulebook, giving yourself permission to do what's right for your body, what's right for you. And living in that and when you the thought, or the term slowing down to speed up kind of came to my mind. Right? That's, and yeah, and I think that is so beautiful, and giving yourself permission to honor you so that you can show up in this world. And with the full gifts, and your full, like sparkle that you deserve to. And it does take that deep, deep compassion and permission to do so. So Oh, Nanci, that was just beautiful. Thank you for sharing that piece. That was what I knew. I was like, I want her on my podcast, right? Because I'm like, this is exactly I feel it. I knew there was like such a kindred sort of aspect and approach to you know, we hadn't talked about this, and you're totally speaking my language. So awesome. So I'm gonna shut up now. So you can keep sharing all this wisdom?

Nanci Dueck: 00:36:59

You're good, you're good? No, I was actually gonna say I could actually even share personally, before I even knew what a manual or rule book was, yeah, in my journey with PMDD. I was learning this painfully because nobody taught me right. Nobody told me Oh, we'll try these things. I was painfully learning it but I learned about about the rulebook and dropping the expectations, right? For example, I was at the time again, a stay at home mom, although we had businesses as well. So I was kind of in all of it. And I, you know, recognize that, well, I will I thought fam good families are supposed to have dinner together every night. Right? You're supposed to sit down and have dinner to every every night. In fact, here's the stats, here's what the data shows. And so it has to happen. It should happen. Right? Well, there was a point where I'm like, Okay, does it doesn't really doesn't have to happen. One thing that works really well for my family is yard games. We love to play yard games together, right? Or I love to read with my kids when they were younger. And it took me be able to trust in myself and my own intuition to say, actually, that doesn't matter. I don't have to sit down with my family every night for dinner. And it was causing us stress, right? There was a reason for it. That we don't need that. Because we have this. We have this. There's no rule that says we that has to happen. So I gave it up. Sometimes we sat down for dinner sometimes we didn't. I didn't make dinner is often right. I taught my kids to eat healthy and to put in fruits and vegetables. But I stopped making dinner every night. Hallelujah. But for some reason, in our minds, that should happen. Right? Good. More us. Yeah, that's what mom does. Yeah. And so all these different shoulds mom goes to all my activities. Well, no, sometimes I have to pull back and I actually can't, I'm going to pick one sporting event to attend this week. And I have to remember, Oh, wait, the activities are for my kids to enjoy. Right? And they can do that without me there. Right. So all those different things, we have to give ourselves permission though, like you say, to be like, Okay, what works for me in my life with my family situation with my own medical condition? That and I do that. And I don't need to feel the pressure to do what what everything else in the world tells me to do. And it's so important to get to that point

Chanci Dawn: 00:39:47

and we're back. Okay, so we were just wondering if Mercury is still in retrograde, everything all of a sudden just shut down and my computer froze and have that scary little ball spinning on the screen. But it recorded it. So yay, we have that first part. And I'm so grateful that we did because we finished off, I listened. And we finished off at the part where you were talking about how important it is to give ourselves permission to drop our manual eye rulebook and live according to what our bodies really, really need. So awesome. Okay, so I want to make sure to wrap this up before that happens again. I know we could probably talk forever about this, because there's it's such a important topic was so many different facets to it. But I just want to finish off by asking you, Nanci, like anything that is like, Do you have a burning desire to share any more like certain wisdom or whatever, I'm sorry, I'm a little flustered right now, because that happened. And now my dog is eating my. No, you're great.

Nanci Dueck: 00:40:56

You're good. Um, the last couple things I would, I would say is, I think sometimes we think that, oh, well, if I, you know, try to live an embodied life, and I dropped the manuals, and all those things that like, it makes me weak in some way, or like less than, but I just want to say, that is actually 100% not the truth or doesn't have to be. Because when you follow this type of life, when you actually live according to what you need, and what works for you, you learn to operate from your strengths, right. And I think this strengths based living is something we really need. We focus so often on what we're bad at, what we're not very good at how my body doesn't work for me, you know, all these things, we forget to shine a light on how freakin amazing we are. Right? When I stopped thinking I had to fit a mold. And when I stopped focusing on my weaknesses, I found what I was so much better at what I was great at. And when I amplify that, it amplified my entire life, and amplified my ability to cope with any of my issues. Because I focus on my strengths. And I think that's so important. When it comes to any health condition, how we feel about our bodies, and just our lives in general, we, it's okay, we're human, there's going to be things about us that don't work so well. There's going to be things about our personality that we don't like, or things about our bodies that we don't like, that's fine. That's the way it was meant to be. But if we can turn our focus to about what we're good at what we're great at what we love about our bodies, it's all there. It's all there to see, and it makes our life so much fuller. So I think that's my my number one. Number two is you don't just hear this information and adopt it. You practice it right. And that's, I teach emotional health skills, because I think we're lacking in that we. And that's different from a mental health condition, like, right, you can have like an emotional health condition. But you just need that emotional health skill set. Everybody needs that. And it's not going to cure your mental health condition, but it will help a lot, right. And so it's all about practice, and it's what I call it, and this is the compassion piece. It's all about coming back to center. That's what I teach, like, you're gonna go off on those days where you're listening to your brain beat you down, where you're hating your body where you didn't react, how you wanted to and your symptoms are in your life. You just bring yourself back, you just go oh, wait, no, no, we're going to do that anymore. We weren't going to talk to ourselves like that anymore. Remember, I was didn't want to eat all that junk food, but that's okay. Just pull myself back to center. And that's really what it is it is that compassion and just being like, Oh, this is just something I get to practice, you know, for my life and that's okay, that's the way it is. And when we can give ourselves that compassion we grow and we develop those strings and we get better so much faster than if we're just beating ourselves down even though that's what we want to do for some reason. Right? I have another thing I think is just so vital to all of this.

Chanci Dawn: 00:44:18

So perfectly worded I just love that how you explain that and it goes back to that this is not a linear process. And when we there's no wagon, there's no wagon to hop on or to fall off of it is a journey and you just explain that so perfectly. Thank you so much. And I also you know as you're speaking like this like your first point I'm like all this podcast lenses so itself so well to that because it's like chaotic with this new puppy and technology. And I'm just like, oh my god, you know, and I'm like, yeah, it's perfect. Like I love how this lends it so well to are met messiness as human beings. Yep. Messy. Oh,

Nanci Dueck: 00:45:04

that's okay.

Chanci Dawn: 00:45:05

It is good. It's okay. And it's perfect. So thank you, Nanci. This has been great. I've loved having you on and just connecting with you and meeting you, you are such a blessing. And anyone who has the privilege of working with you is that is Lucky them. So how can they find you?

Nanci Dueck: 00:45:25

Well, first of all, you were to bind. And I think you're doing amazing work. Right? Thank you incredible. And you're just a lovely person. And that just comes out? Can we meet out on the world? Anyway, um, so I My name is too difficult to spell. I feel like because my, my my first name and last name, they're all weird. So I operate under radiant brain. Oh, nice. Because I believe in using the higher part of our brain right to live our lives intentionally not just being driven by the lower brain that we were, you know, programmed with,

Chanci Dawn: 00:45:59

we call her the brat brain around here. That's right.

Nanci Dueck: 00:46:04

Same thing, absolutely. Radiant. brain.com is my website and my handle on my social media accounts would be radiant brain coaching.

Chanci Dawn: 00:46:13

And we will have all those links in the show notes. And do you have any special offer you'd like to give? Here? present here?

Nanci Dueck: 00:46:23

Yeah, so I would just encourage so I just put up on my website, I tried to hurry and make sure it was up, I have their emotional health assessment. And I have a a workbook that's really basic and simple. It's a fast workbook, but it's just kind of like the basics that you need to know to start a journey towards emotional health. A little bit about the brain. It's a little bit about why this is important and how to get on the track. Right. It's super simple. In fact, I made it so you could do it with like children like with family, because there's like a worksheet and it's interactive. So those are there and available for free to download on my website for any, any of your listeners.

Chanci Dawn: 00:47:05

Lovely. So go grab that that just sounds awesome. Yay. Well, I am like really like anxious to get off before everything shuts down. Just like praying it holds on. So thank you so much. You are lovely. This is such such a good, good episode. So if you're listening to this, please share it with a woman who you know, needs to hear it. Especially if she's struggling with her emotional mental health. And she doesn't have a diagnosis. And she thinks she's going crazy, right? Because this could be exactly what she needs to hear. And PMDD is only one of the things that we struggle with. There are so many, so many different things out there. And you can relate what you've learned here to all of it, which is that's what I love. So love to you all. Thanks for tuning in, and we will talk to you soon take care