Self-Sabotage: Why it Happens and How to Never do it Again | Ep.47

Do you struggle with self-sabotage? Do you make goals for yourself, stick to them for a few days and then BAM you’re back in the very place you started? If this sounds familiar take heart! You’re normal and your brain is doing a really good job at doing what she’s wired to do – keeping you safe. But what she thinks is serving you is actually holding you back from the freedom you deserve. Join Chanci as she explains why you self-sabotage and then leads you through a step-by-step path towards freedom.


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About the Host:

Chanci Dawn is a non-diet certified nutritionist, mindset and embodiment coach whose soul’s purpose is to help women create the most wildly free and loving relationship with food and their bodies. After over 30 years of dieting and recovering from her own eating disorder, Chanci is determined to help women find the same freedom she has through embodied eating and pleasurable living. Chanci believes that when you fall madly in love with yourself you’ll have the power to change your world and from there you can change the world around you making embodied eating a deep and powerful form of activism!


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Chanci Dawn:

This show is about freedom. Freedom from your constant struggle with food and letting the size of your thighs determine your worth. Join me weekly for no whole fat, unfiltered girlfriend kind of conversations that will inspire, teach and empower you. As we tune into our own body's wisdom and tune out of the diet industry lives, we can live our most radiant, pleasurable and fulfilled lives. My name is Chanci Dawn. I'm a non diet nutritionist embodiment and mindset coach. But most importantly, I'm a woman on a mission to grow a deeply connected and conscious relationship with food and my body. And I'm here inviting you to do the same. Let's go.

Chanci Dawn:

Hey, there, welcome to today's episode, all about self sabotage, we're just gonna have a nice little chat about why we get in our own ways. This is gonna be a good one. But before that, I have two pieces of housework, whatever they call it that I want to share with you. One is you can now message me by voice message on a site called Speak Easy. Okay? So I love this, because I've had some feedbacks that some of you you don't know me, you're like, I don't want to be DMing you in your Instagram. And sometimes email can feel a little bit impersonal. totally get it. So this is a way that you can just click on a link, and you can go and send me a voice message, I will receive it and then I can send one back to you. I love this. I just think it's such a fun idea. So if this is something you want to try out, go to speak forward slash connect with Chanci, it'll also be in the show notes. So you can just go to the show notes, whatever app you're listening to click on the link. And there you go. Leave me a voice message. And what I'd really love this to focus on is questions, anything that you're finding, that has been insightful for you any aha moments, I want to hear the wins, I want to hear the celebrations, as well as the questions that you have things that you're like, what about this or things that you want me to speak deeper on? Okay, whatever that is, this is a really, really awesome way to go in and connect with me. So please do that. I'm really looking forward to hearing them. The second thing that I want to tell you is we have had over 3000 downloads. So it tastes like freedom is going to be a year old in May. And already in March 3000 Freaking downloads. I don't know what the average is, for new podcasts, I don't really care. I am just so grateful for every single one of those downloads, because that means that there's 3000 times that women have come closer and closer to setting themselves free to healing their relationship with food in their bodies, so that they can live the life of passion and pleasure and freedom that they deserve. So thank you for tuning in. Thank you for coming back week after week, and especially thank you if you're sharing it with others. And if you're not, this is a request I have please share this podcast share your favorite episode with a woman that you care about. There's so many people out there who need to hear this message who are just waiting to be able to have someone go here. You don't have to live in food prison anymore. You don't have to hate your body. You don't have to buy into the lies that society is constantly feeding you. You can learn how to have a beautiful and healing and free relationship with food and your body. Let's do this. It takes a village. So let's link arms. Okay, thank you. Thank you so much for linking arms with me and sharing this very important freedom message. Now, let's talk about self sabotage. So I have a really, really cool tool that I teach my clients when we first start working together. And my goal in this is really to help women understand their brain better, right to understand what that brat brain is up to what she's all about. And it's really normal to feel broken. It's really normal to go what is wrong with me especially if you've been in the diet scene for a long time. And there's that yo yo right you lose your gain you lose you gain and then you gain more and then you lose maybe not quite so much because your body's adapting and then you gain more right it is it is such a difficult A difficult cycle to be in. And the feeling of failure can be like, so massive. So first of all, we're going to talk a little bit more about that, okay, all of these emotions that come up. But what we really, really want to do is start to understand what this brat brain is all about. If you recall from previous episodes, I'll just give it a little review here. But our branch brain, it's really that primal part of us that that the oldest part of our brain, she's ancient, and her only concern is keeping you alive, and keeping the human race going. So as long as you feel good, okay, as long as you're feeling like, Ah, she's happy. But any stress that you might feel, whether it's like a true threat, or just a stress from a thought, you're thinking, okay, that might not even be real. But anytime she feels stress in your body, and she thinks you are under threat, and she is wired to keep you safe. Part of keeping you safe is keeping you playing small, it's keeping you stuck, because she's like, why change a thing? Why would you ever change a thing, you are alive, you're alive, you're eating, you have food, clothing, shelter, maybe you have a couple of kids, okay? Why change it. And this is a big part of what keeps us stuck, or going backwards, that part of us that thinks it's serving us, but it's actually sabotaging our goals. So I love to teach this tool because it really to me simplifies it, it simplifies what's going on. And it simplifies what you need to actually do to support yourself and not sabotage yourself. So like I said, this is something I teach my private clients, right from the get go. And I also teach it at the retreat center that I work at. And I love it, because not only does it support the guests as they're there for the three weeks for the program, but it's great for aftercare. So this is me, giving you this tool, to be able to take care of yourself now by understanding your brain and how to love her and in the future. So let's dive in.

Chanci Dawn:

Now, this is called the five C's. And I adapted it from a from a tool that I learned from Brooke Castillo years and years and years ago, okay, she is the CEO of The Life Coach School. And I remember she taught something like this. And over time, I've adjusted it and made it my own. I don't even remember what's original in it anymore. But there's the credit that I want to get back to Brooke. Now, the first C stands for commitment. This is where you make a choice, you make a goal for yourself, something that you really desire for your life for yourself. And remember, we move towards or we run away from everything in order to feel an emotion. So this commitment that you're making to yourself, underlying that is the fact that you believe that once you achieve it, once you do this, that you will feel a certain way. So this is really, really important to understand. Because since we're feeling creatures, right, we're emotional lead beings, we need to have to understand this. So we can really start to take care of ourselves when we're not feeling the way we want to. Because as soon as we don't, again, your brain will freak out. So the first step commitment, what are you committing to, I'm going to give an example here, but I encourage you afterwards. So follow along with this teaching with the example I'm giving. And then afterwards, plug in your own examples, commitments that you're making in your own life. And work through this because this is part of taking care of your future self, taking care of your needs ahead of time understanding your brain. So the example that I want to give here is wearing a bathing suit. Let's actually say wearing a bikini to the beach or pool. Okay, you're wanting to go to the beach or pool and your commitment to yourself is I'm going to wear a bikini. Think about this, how does that feel? Think about the positive emotions, the work you've been doing. All of the steps you've taken along the way in this embodiment journey. And if you have it, just think about the feelings that you will have that you want to have thinking about going to the pool and wearing a bikini and feeling confident and In free, what comes up for you? So for me, I think of things like contentment, hope, sexiness, like who doesn't want to feel sexy, right? Three. These are very, very dear to me core desired emotions, especially freedom to go to the pool and to sport my bikini, and to walk around and to be swimming with my kids and having so much fun and not feeling like I'm going to die or having to suck in at every moment or want to leave, right? That is freedom. How will this feel to you. So think about this and take a few seconds to write it down. If you have a pen and paper with you, this is a really good episode to be taking notes with okay, but you can go back and listen. It's also transcribed. So I'm not sure if you guys know this, but in the show notes, you can go and you can get the complete transcription so that you can read it if that's something that'll serve you. So, when we make a commitment to ourselves, we get excited. Our body feels hope your lizard brain or sorry, brat brain. Some people call her the lizard brain. But your brat brain is like, whew, this feels good here. She's feeling excited. She's an expectation. She's dedicated, she's motivated, all of these emotions feel really juicy, and very safe to that part of your brain. So if as long as you're there, as long as you're in the safety, she's like, This is amazing. Let's keep going. Okay, Lincoln arms going that way. Awesome. But what will happen every single time is that reality will hit. You are human. This is unavoidable, reality will hit you will be faced with emotions that are uncomfortable. And so you're going to the pool, you're putting on your bikini, you look in the mirror, oh, your brain thinks a thought. It looks at your stomach, it looks at your thighs, looks at your arms, whatever is triggering to you. Your brain will have a thought about it. This will feel what in your body. So tune in to hear for yourself. How will you feel when your brain has a thought that is negative towards your body because we can expect this. We're not perfect, you can absolutely expect the setbacks. As I've said, so many times embodied eating is non linear. This is a journey, okay? There's going to be ups and downs and it's always an opportunity to learn how to love yourself more. So you have a thought. And some things that people share with me are like feelings of disgust. Okay, embarrassment, hatred, self loathing. Sometimes there's just a sadness or an anger, or whatever. So you fill in the blank. Let's think about this. You walk out into the pool, and you go in and some people look your way and you have a thought, let they're judging you. How do you feel? And all of these emotions are the reality of being human? There they are the reality of this journey, my friend, okay, so I really want you to understand this, this will happen, expect it. And this is also the place where self sabotage originates. Your brain will have a freakout, because she's no longer in that. Ooh, yeah, juicy, amazing positive emotion state. And even if you are completely safe, as soon as you have these thoughts that feel really like charged in your body, your brain is going to think you're under threat. And she here wants to stop you from doing your goal. This is where she's like, Who do you think you are? You can't wear a bikini. This embody journey isn't working for you. All of this negative self talk, think about what comes up for you personally, okay, make this personal. Get familiar with your brat brain so you can know how to actually serve her so we can anticipate what she's thinking and then we're like, okay, sweetie, I know you're trying to keep me safe. But this is actually the direction we're gonna go. So you're feeling these hard to feel emotions and you want to run you want to go back in your cave with that warm fire and stay stuck forever because it actually feels more comfortable to your brat brain than moving towards your commitment does. At this point, instead of listening to her instead of retreating instead of going into that cave instead of stopping, moving towards your goal. This is where the second C comes. And there's actually two C's in this. And you're going to be very familiar with these ones. Because these are two pillars of embodied eating of the it tastes like freedom program that I created. One is compassion. And the other is curiosity. Stop, feel your emotions. What's going on for me right now? I want to put my clothes back on. I want to take this stupid bikini off and I want to go home. Who was I? What was I thinking? Okay, stop. How does that feel in your body, we don't want to dismiss it. We don't want to bury it. We don't want to pretend that's not there. With compassion, we want to get curious as to what is going on, when we can go into this compassion part. And I literally will talk to myself not out loud. But in my brain. It's like, Oh, sweetie, of course, you're feeling this way. Of course, this is the experience you had, or this is the conditioning, that you're still believing. This is where you're struggling, of course, you're feeling this way. It's not a bad thing that this thought has come up, and that you're experiencing this emotion. This is just an opportunity to get more curious and to love yourself through it. So as we do this, as you get curious, as you choose compassion for yourself. And you know, not only that, but like be proud of yourself, be proud of yourself in these moments of being able to stop and choose compassion and choose curiosity. This is a tremendous part of your growth, and it needs to be celebrated. So with this, I choose compassion, and I choose curiosity, what is going on. And then the next C comes in, and this is courage. Courage, feels like shit quite often. And we're not really taught this. So we think of like the courageous lioness with her sparkly cape and Big C on it. And she's just looking like she has it all together, and we're all thinking, I wish I could be her. But in reality, this lioness is like, dying inside, when she is showing courage when she's choosing courage to move forward according

Chanci Dawn:

to what her heart knows is right for her. When she is following this heart centered, guided path towards what is actually her values. What are the virtues that she wants to possess for read, that is a huge one here for me. And if you're listening, most likely for you to freedom, ease, okay, pleasure, joy, all of these things that she is moving towards. Take courage, which at first feels very uncomfortable. So let's think about this bathing suit situation. You're looking in the mirror, your brain is having thoughts, you want to take it off, you want to go home, it is courage that you call on here, compassion, curiosity, and then courage. It's okay that I'm feeling uncomfortable. It's okay, that I want to die a little when I go out into the pool, you know, Doc deck, it's okay, that I'm feeling triggered right now. Nothing's gone wrong. These are patterns, old patterns that I'm learning how to think differently from these are all things that I'm aware of. So I get to love myself through. And that doesn't mean it's going to feel good. So this courage part, we go right back up to all of those hard to feel emotions that usually create self sabotage. And instead of stopping, we lean into them, we feel them, we let everything bubble up for us. And as we do this, more and more and more, your brat brain will start to become familiar with these emotions. She'll start to go, oh, I felt this before. I felt this fear before and I didn't die. Perhaps it's safe. Perhaps it's safe to wear this bikini, perhaps I don't have to, you know, degrade my myself and my brain. You know, when I look in the mirror, perhaps I can walk on out onto the pool deck and just feel confident. Perhaps this is available to me. These little baby steps forward will start to create competence. When your brain starts to see it as familiar when she starts to grow her capacity to feel the hard stuff. She will also grow her capacity on the other side to feel all the good. And this is the juice see wonderful news, you're not just going to feel shitty all the time, more and more and more. But as you lean into all of those heart to feel emotions, and you move forward towards your commitment to yourself with tons of compassion, tons of curiosity, you become more and more competent. And this ultimately leads to the fifth C, which is confidence. This is true, genuine confidence from the depths of who you are from the depths of your authentic truth. This is true for you. And the reason it's so true is because you've gone through all of the emotions, to imprint this truth in your body. You are embodying your commitment to yourself. You are a woman who wears a bikini to the beach and pool and walks around in confidence. This is the way to achieve it. But we think we need to actually feel the confidence in the beginning. This is a big part of why we self sabotage. No, sweetheart, no. Okay. Confidence is a by product of courage. There's no way around it, I promise you. And this is where tuning in to this podcast, connecting with me more and more. This is where you will find the support you need to do this because you are not an island, you need community. So thank you for tuning in. And I also want to tell you on that note that I am launching in May my group program, it tastes like freedom. I'm only taking 10 Women in this group because I want to keep it small. Two spaces are already filled. So there's eight spaces starts in May. please connect with me. If you are curious to see if this is right for you. We will just hop on a call together. I will share all the details I'll answer all of your questions and we'll get to know each other better. And together we'll decide if the program it tastes like freedom is the next step for you in your embodied eating journey. So in the show notes, there's a link there to connect with me click there will take you straight to my booking site. Or go to my website chancy Work with me and write in there you'll also find a link straight to my schedule site, book a call, so pumped, so so pumped to connect with you and to support you in this journey. Thank you for tuning in. I hope you got so much out of this. Take some time to let it like marinate. Okay. Think about it and start plugging in other commitments that you are making to yourself in this C line. Sorry, in the first C line, the commitment line, and then work through it. How can you take care of yourself? What are some emotions that you can expect to feel? And how can you love yourself through them? Thank you, my dear. Have a beautiful day. Until next time.

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