Redefining Body Love with Dr. Melissa Bird | Ep. 13

You ARE love! Seriously, you are the very definition of LOVE. Chanci and Dr. Melissa Bird invite you in on their convo about self-compassion, perfectionism, forgiveness and reclaiming your divine right to know who you are and to live it! Other points include:

  • Compassion as a superpower
  • What it means to truly love your body
  • Redefining love – who gets to define body love?
  • Reclaiming your natural state of being
  • Self-forgiveness and freedom
  • You need connection – you are not meant to do this alone
  • There is absolutely nothing not to love because you are pure love! 
  • Original sin is ignoring your purpose
  • The patriarchy and diet culture
  • It’s your divine right to know who you are at your core and live it! 

Resource Links:

The Metallica podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-metallica-podcast-volume-1-the-black-album/id1579756809

There There by Tommy Orange https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36692478-there-there?fbclid=IwAR34F7KQYU0JuQlScLcukwjoycL4aRkJ3DEnl3txGN3C9cvFw7cpa4l6phA

About the Guest:

As a life coach, lay preacher, author, and keynote speaker, Dr. Melissa Bird is a world class presenter who has appeared before audiences at universities, conferences, and religious institutions around the world. Her combination of education, real-life experience, and practical advice makes her a powerful force of change in the lives of the people she speaks to. Past audience members have described her speaking as “fierce,” “revelatory,” “life-changing,” “enthusiastic,” and “inspirational.”

Dr. Bird creates the genesis for a new brand of leadership and graceful revolution. Her unique life purpose is to use her talents to help others dismantle perfection, tap into their intuition, and heal from grief and loss. Her words awaken revolutionaries, trailblazers and powerful innovators who are seeking deeper connection and expansive growth. When she’s not speaking on stages around the world, she can be found reading trashy novels, drinking fine whiskey, playing mom to three amazing humans, and loving her punk rock scientist James Thomas Kelly.

Get her online masterclasses and learn how to awaken your own graceful revolution. You can also connect with Dr. Bird at naturalbornrebel.com and on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram @birdgirl1001.

About the Host: (bio, personal links, resource links)

Chanci Dawn is a non-diet certified nutritionist, mindset and embodiment coach whose soul’s purpose is to help women create the most wildly free and loving relationship with food and their bodies. After over 30 years of dieting and recovering from her own eating disorder Chanci is determined to help women find the same freedom she has through embodied eating and pleasurable living. Chanci believes that when you fall madly in love with yourself you’ll have the power to change your world and from there you can change the world around you making embodied eating a deep and powerful form of activism! 

Find Chanci on the following platforms:

Website: http://www.chancidawn.com

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/chancidawncoaching

Facebook: https://facebook.com/chancidawn

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Transcript
Chanci Dawn:

Hello my darlin, welcome to today's show. I have a really awesome guest that is going to be speaking to you about all sorts of different things. But the biggest takeaway, I would say is the importance of redefining love. And I believe that you're going to leave this episode having fallen so much deeper in love with yourself. That is my goal. That is my hope. So, Dr. Melissa bird is a life coach, a lay preacher, an author, and keynote speaker. She is a world class presenter who has appeared before audiences at universities, conferences and religious institutions around the world. Her combination of education real life experience and practical advice makes her a powerful force of change in the lives of the people she speaks to. Past audience members have described her speaking as fierce revolutionary, life changing, enthusiastic and inspirational. Dr. Bird creates the genesis for a new brand of leadership and graceful revolution. Her unique life purpose is to use her talents to help others dismantle perfection, tap into their intuition and heal from grief and loss. Her words awaken revolutionaries, trailblazers and powerful innovators who are seeking deeper connection and expansive growth. When she's not speaking on stages around the world or on this podcast. She could be found reading trashy novels drinking fine whiskey playing mom to three amazing humans, and loving her punk rock scientist James Thomas Kelly. Ha, she's amazing. Let's dive right into this interview. I can't wait.

Chanci Dawn:

Okay, welcome to the show today. And today, we have a really awesome special guest, Dr. Melissa bird. And I met Melissa, my gosh, quite a few years ago when I started just engaging more in the online coaching community. And we connected and I really instantly was very drawn to her for so many different reasons. And you're going to discover those reasons through this show. I'm sure she is just so the thing I think about the most with Melissa is authenticity, she is who she is. And she is a fierce woman who is making, like amazing changes in this world with the people she works with and those who follow her. And I got to have the privilege of being part of one of her group programs recently. And it was really life changing. I loved it. And we'll talk more about that. And I know she has more to share about that. But it was such a good experience and through it. Like I absolutely would love to have a conversation for all of you to listen about all so many different things. So when we're looking at embodied eating and the tastes like freedom program, pillar four is compassion. So this podcast, this one show here, we're going to kind of ground it in compassion, that is the focus, but it'll be compassionate with you know, little fingers reaching out everywhere and to different areas. So welcome, Melissa, thank you for coming on the show.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm

Chanci Dawn:

so excited. You're welcome. This is great. So to begin, um, why don't you I mean, I already did the bio so they know who you are. But I would love for you to just talk about what you're most passionate about right now in your business. And why I start with Well,

Dr. Melissa Bird:

I feel like I am first of all, thanks for having me. I'm so excited to talk to you. I think I'm most passionate about recognizing that the tools that I give my clients the the information that I Download through my clairvoyance and through my other work with spirit. I am most passionate about the fact that I have not been using those tools for myself. And I'm really discovering just in the last couple of weeks, I talk a lot about surrender. I talk a lot about, you know, we really don't have any control. And we're here for a really great purpose. And each one of us has a different individual purpose. And I don't really do surrender very well. Secret.

Chanci Dawn:

Secrets. Oh, Ted, I'm

Dr. Melissa Bird:

learning how to do it really well. And I am really excited and thrilled to say that I have just realized even in the last couple of weeks that I am really passionate about becoming even more opening open to taking my own advice. Oh,

Chanci Dawn:

yeah. Beautiful, isn't it? The way it works is so funny, because I went for a hike before I got on this call. And then I got home and I was hungry. And I like grabbed two pieces of toast and chuck some butter on it and ate it. No pleasure. It was good. I'm like, come on down. So you practice what you're reaching. out kind of like, yeah, I definitely did not. That was not embodied eating. And I was like, Oh, interesting. So then, when I did that, then I'm like, right? You're about to do a show on compassion, have compassion for yourself, you are human. So the same with you. So how are you dropping into that right now, as in that surrender in that compassion as you are learning to take your own face right now?

Dr. Melissa Bird:

Well, I I have been reconnecting a lot to nature, to have more compassion. So one of the things I've really been giving a lot of thought to is this idea that we are naturally occurring beings on the planet, and that we are not separate from nature, but intricately woven into it. And so one of the ways that I really found I can have a lot more compassion for myself is to just I have like a tree outside my window, outside my office window, that if my blinds aren't open, and I can't see my tree, then I have to, like, stop whatever I'm doing and get up and go look at it. And it's it. It just grounds me in that knowledge that are the earth is Mother Earth is always compassionate towards this right spirit is always compassionate towards us. And so if I can just ground myself in that connectedness, even if I'm not outside or touching nature, just seeing it and surrounding myself with the things that make me feel connected to it helps. Another thing that I've done is to have more compassion for myself, as I recently my desk is full of crystals and altars and rocks, tree like plants and like dead plants. But like all this stuff, like I'm looking over it, I have a statue of Persephone. And, and, but one of the things that I did was I really started connecting to my ancestors and really started thinking about, you know, the stories we tell about our parents and their parents. And we talk we've just, it's become really a buzzword II thing to talk about our ancestors. But I'm thinking about the stories we tell about just maybe even our parents and our grandparents and how to have more compassion for them as humans, and the complicated stories that we create about our parents, but they, I think of myself as my, my own parent, like me as parenting other humans, and I'm like, the can, how trying to have compassion for myself. And in the context of having compassion for my parents, and my grandparents has been really fascinating. It's just been this really interesting thing that I've been going through, and I think, so connecting to nature and thinking about having compassion for myself as a parent and my parents. And then I think the third thing that has been really helpful has been the like, talk to my friends really intentionally. So one of the I love talking on the phone, I'm like, uh, you know, I grew up in the 80s Talking on the phone. One of one of the things that I love to do is, is just bounce stuff off my friends like I did in high school, right like to really talk to and connect with my friends. And when I do that, I find I am much kinder to myself and much more compassionate towards myself when I like so And a friend. So I think recently,

Chanci Dawn:

yeah, and that reminds me so much of that saying like, would you treat your friends like this? Would you treat you know, someone you like outward like another person that you love the way that you're treating yourself and then when you're talking to yourself, and I think that's a really beautiful reminder to actually reach out to a friend when you're in a place where you're not being compassionate, right? And then feel their compassion go, right. They're not saying that stuff to me. And yeah, that is so powerful. And then being able to, to embody that yourself, right? What if I was my own best friend, which I am supposed to be, which is the goal, this is what we're growing into. So it's, how do I talk to myself? How do I relate to myself? If I was calling myself on the phone? What would I tell myself? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's so powerful. Thank you for sharing that. That's great. So I actually wanted to do this in the beginning, but let's just have a little fun so that the listeners can get to know you. Okay, so I have some rapid fire questions. Just this or that. Okay, so I'm gonna like rapid fire them out to you and you just let us know. And if there's any that you're like, I don't really want to answer that. Just pass and that's good. I

Dr. Melissa Bird:

don't think that's gonna happen. Okay. Yeah, they're

Chanci Dawn:

pretty they're pretty tame too. So. Okay, ready, set, go. Chocolate or ice cream, chocolate. Sex or a massage. Oh, God.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

both Yeah, that's my listen. I'm in I'm in menopause. So I'm like

Chanci Dawn:

depends on depends on the time and

Dr. Melissa Bird:

I haven't I plan

Chanci Dawn:

Okay, Paris or Bali? Paris, Paris. Okay. breakfast or dinner. Oh, breakfast. gonna pay weights or yoga. Weights? Coffee or tea? Tea. Cats or dogs?

Dr. Melissa Bird:

Let me just say also tea with really, really heavy cream. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Really, really rich. Earl Grey double Bergamot with heavy cream.

Chanci Dawn:

Nice. Do you put a lot of cream in there?

Dr. Melissa Bird:

I put a substantial amount. Yeah, I do too.

Chanci Dawn:

And when I was younger, a friend of mine, she did that with peppermint peppermint tea with like, tons of cream heavy cream. And she called it fairy tea. That's what they called it so that when I think of an that makes so much sense that you had like fairy tea. Yeah, I don't know. You know where they got that. But that's what I've called it my whole life too. Okay. Cats or Dogs, dogs. Pet or Frenchies? Right?

Dr. Melissa Bird:

We have a friend. We have a French Bulldog in a standard poodle. For crack.

Chanci Dawn:

It's great. And if you definitely you definitely want to get on Instagram and follow Melissa and she always has her daily potato which has her dog on there and they're they're the best best pictures and little updates. Okay. Bed and Breakfast or hotel. Better breakfast. Okay, wine or beer? Wine. Dinner in or dinner out? Out. Okay, thank you

Dr. Melissa Bird:

only time I ever drink beer is when there's like a really good like peanut butter stout on tap. And then I will drink beer because I love really thick chocolatey. stouts goes back to that chocolate thing.

Chanci Dawn:

But yeah, yeah, I Okay, peanut butter stout. I've never thought never heard of that

Dr. Melissa Bird:

before. Never heard of that butter cup. It's so delicious.

Chanci Dawn:

I'm gonna have to go find that because that sounds so good. And now that you know life is opening up a bit. We can all go on patios and stuff. Videos are great. Yep, definitely. Okay, well, let's pretend we're on a patio right now. Having that and just having this great girlfriend conversation. So I would love to hear about your own journey with your relationship with your body.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

Oh, my relationship with my body. So it's been a tortured one. I am. I am a big girl. I'm tall. I'm you know, I'm one of those like in the 80s they called us big boned. Right? Yes. I actually funny story. I had a I went and met a friend of mine and she and I had because of the pandemic we'd never seen each other in person. And she's this short little Native American woman, right? She's really tiny. She's like five feet tall. And I went to my I went to see her. And she's looking up at me because I'm five foot eight, right? And she's looking up at me. She's like, wow, you're just so tall. So big. And I laughed at her and I was like, big Indian because I'm Native American. She laughed so hard. I'm so I'm really tall. And I'm really big and I take up a lot of space. And, and so I spent most of my teens trying to shrink my body. I love working out, I really actually do, I actually think I have the potential to be quite athletic if I would allow myself to do that. But I, I spent a lot of time not realizing how beautiful I was. And a lot of that was because I didn't fit in, my skin would change over the summer. So I get really, really dark over the summers. And then I lightened up over the winters because I lived in Utah. And so you know, I lived in ski town and so it was snowed. And so I would get really pale, and then I would get really dark again. And I didn't realize this until I started talking to my cousin's about it. Like there was actually an emotional thing that happened to us. Like my friend, my cousin told me once that she didn't want to go back to school in the fall, because she didn't think anyone would recognize her because their skin would get so dark, right? Because we're part Native American. And so one of the battles with my body was not just said I was this big girl with big boobs, who took up a lot of space, but it was that my skin would change color. And it wasn't until I think it was about a year and a half ago that I was reading a book called there there by Tommy orange, which just for your readers is one of the most beautiful novels I've ever read.

Chanci Dawn:

I'll put that in the show notes.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

Yeah, it's yeah, it's so beautiful. But there's a scene in it, where there's this little kid in the bathtub, and they're in the bathtub, trying to figure out who they are, because their legs are all white, but their arms are all dark. And I'm just sobbing while I'm reading this part of the book going, oh my god, I'm not alone. Like that was my whole childhood. And I'm and so so for me my issues with my body. We're not just about being big and taking up space. I'm really loud. I don't know if you can tell that. I'm really loud. And one of the things I love about can I enter a room and everyone's like, whoa, who's that? Right? Like, I have a presence about me. And so in my teens and my early 20s, I spent a lot of times drinking myself and trying to make I had I did not have healthy eating habits. Like you would look at my fridge and it'd be like a 12 pack of Bud Lights and mustard and mayonnaise. And that was it right? And I smoked I was a big smoker. I wish smoking didn't kill you because I love smoking more than anything else on the planet. Like I love smoking. Actually, if you would have asked that question like sex or smoking, I would have been like smoking. But I'm not allowed to because it kills you. Right? I'm a little bitter. I, it was I'm 48 years old this year. And I would say it wasn't until probably the last like two or three years that I was like, wow, I haven't really amazing bodies, like look at how this body has gotten me through all of these things that it's gotten me through. And now I really appreciate it. I think the other thing that is really important just to call out and just to say out loud is I was having this conversation with my best friend, like I don't know, three or four weeks ago, and we had found a picture. She'd found a picture of me from her wedding. And I looked at it and I was like, how did I think I was fat? And yeah, right. And I was like, cuz I was not like I was not at all. And I was so beautiful. And I was like and I'm still beautiful. I'm just bigger. But like, I was like, wow. Like, how how much headspace is taken. Looking at photos of ourselves and thinking, God, if I can only drop five pounds, and this is where I got it from. This is where I figured it out. I took these pictures of my mom. Over Christmas. She was snuggling with my dad like it was this really beautiful moment. And I caught it on photos, right. And I posted it on Facebook and talked about how my parents had been through so much together and how grateful I was that they were able to just love each other the way that they were at that moment. And my mom texted me and said, I'm too fat. Take those pictures offline. And I said you need to go read the comments. And then we're like literally chancy. There were like, over like 40 or 50 comments that people commenting about how much they needed to see those images. And then my mom did it to me again on Mother's Day because I took these pictures of me and her on Mother's Day and she said the same thing. She's like, God, I really need to lose weight. And I was like, you just totally negated the whole experience of these beautiful photos of me and you just giggling and loving each other. And I thought Damn, why why are we continuing to do this tours and I have I have never said that in a photo with my kids. I don't hide behind my kids. I don't like hide my body behind my kids on purpose because I don't want them to ever look back at any of the pictures we have with each other and st God I wish mom wouldn't have said she was too fat.

Chanci Dawn:

That'd be the memory of that right? And also the lesson and also the lesson. Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

And it's really interesting because I'm dealing with something with my 20 year old right now where I just found out she's not eating. And I'm like, friend, let's have a talk about loving your body. And, and and what does it mean to really truly love and be in love with your body? Like it gets you from point A to point B. And I remember when I realized that, and I don't want it to take 28 years for her to realize that her body is, you know, an amazing machine that like does really cool stuff like we regenerate our skin. Like, we like there's our blood literally flows 24 hours a day. Like how rad is that? Ah.

Chanci Dawn:

Yeah, one of the things that in with Alina Z podcast episode I did a couple of weeks ago. And then the pleasure episode I did before that, talking about how going from not eating and hating what you see in the mirror and Hating Your Body. To I love my body is such a huge step, right? Like, quite often it feels completely unattainable. And then people think I'll never get there. So they don't try. And then it's just continuing in the patterns of looking because of course, as you know, your brain is going to look for evidence of what it's already thinking to be. Right? So it's going to look in the mirror and go, I'm so ugly, I'm so whatever. And it's going to look for evidence of that. And then unless you understand the process of getting to love, right, we don't have to right now go, I love my body, it does not have to go there. But doing exactly what you're doing right now going. I appreciate this about my body, like look at what a miracle it is, look what it can do for me, look what it has done for me, right and then go from appreciate and respect and start to change those patterns start to change that, that evidence seeking to the to the opposite. And it's like what do I appreciate? What can I respect and going back and this was the practice I did when I first started this work. I read the book, the Clean Eating book, when I back in my 20s back in the 90s. Right when clean eating was the big thing. And in it, the author said, look in the mirror naked and pick out everything you don't like everything you want to change, because unless you know what you want, unless you know what you want to change, you won't ever do it. So I did I stripped naked. First time ever looking at myself naked in the mirror. And I found things about myself I hated that I didn't even know. I hated until then. Right? So that perpetuated this that issue. And then it was the undoing of that going and looking in the mirror and going. I'm sorry, buddy. I won't say that to you anymore. All right, loving on her going back. And what do I appreciate. And now I can honestly say like, today I'm in like these little, just leggings. And I'm like, Man, I love my butt.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

I think you can see to something that's really important is that we have to redefine love. So who's defining love for us? Like when we think about loving our bodies? Who gets to define that? Because the way I love my things I love about my body. I don't think other people would necessarily love about my body. Like, but man I love you know, I love my roles, I think we have to really think about how are we defining love. Because I think that we have this really desire disastrous version of ourselves and this vision of love that can create utter catastrophe for us. And, and if we're not redefining love, and what it means to love our body, and to really recognize it for the miracle that it is. And I think this is why getting back to nature is so important. If we get back to the natural state of being than we realize that we are created exactly as we are made to be. And then we can look at different things we might want to change and go. Yeah, I mean, you know, I can get my butt on the rowing machine five days a week and actually like get some cardio so that I don't have a heart attack by the time I'm 55 like that might be a good choice for me right now. And in that power of doing the exercise and doing that work, then I remember I'm really powerful, like it's really cool that I can write a book and coach some clients and hold my kids and, you know, harass my husband and and pick up potatoes You know, because he can't go up and down the stairs because of his broken back like, right, yeah, or mow the lawn or build a fence, I built something in my garden like, but we have to redefine love, like the whole time I was building an eight foot garden thing for my vines in my in my yard all by myself, nobody helped me, I still have Dang, it's awesome that I can do this. I think it's so amazing that I can pound the stakes into the ground. And I'm, you know, out there humming the whole time. And I'm thinking, wow, like I left my phone in the house on purpose, just so I could have that moment as being out in the yard. And I thought Dang, like, that's really cool that my body can still do this. That's really cool.

Chanci Dawn:

Ah, I just want to stop here and really honored that, because it is like the redefining love, and what does that feel like? And what does that mean? And what? How can we grow to that intentionally? You know, and it is it's like, looking at new evidence, just like you're saying, I'm out here. And I'm doing this. And yeah, that is so good. Thank you. Let's talk about forgiveness. This is one of the main reasons I wanted you to come on. Because when we were doing the heart of the warrior group, we talked a lot about forgiveness in there. And it has been profoundly changed life changing for me that one takeaway, especially a lot of women carry weight as a protection from as a protection as a result of sexual assault. Right? That is a that's a huge thing. And we don't really fully understand what's going on, but especially around our middle. And I know that's something that my body has held on to right. And when I was talking to you in our private session, just about my experiences with the sexual assault and how I'm I forgave him and I've forgiven my pastor for telling me I had to ask for forgiveness from God for putting myself in that position and him in that position. And all of these like things that I had carried. And I'm like, I'm finally I forgave I forgave. And I'm still carrying, and I'm still really struggling with healing from this. And you said, Have you forgiven yourself? And that I just remember going, first of all, what the fuck do I have to get forgive myself for? Innocent, right? So there was this little, that little trigger? Because, you know, from my pastor being like, No, you, you need to ask for forgiveness. And then it kind of triggered that I'm like, No, this is not what she's talking about. This is this is very, very exactly opposite from what that pastor was saying to me. And what I realized, it's like, forgiveness, for forgiveness. For myself, what I really needed to forgive myself for specifically was for not going for more help, right for holding it all in for picking up some really some patterns after in relationships that I knew was from my trauma, and not actually going and getting help for it at the time and just sort of like sitting in it. And I didn't realize until that conversation with you that wow, my sweet, self needed forgiveness for that. Right to be able to move forward and heal. And so when we're talking about forgiveness, whether in whatever area, it is of our lives, like sexual assault, or, or our, the way we treated our bodies, or the way we do treat our bodies, the way we're stuck in the diet cycle, or, you know, maybe we're binging and purging, right, there's a lot of different things that we hold in, and that we carry as heavy baggage that call for forgiveness. And with that compassion, right, getting curious and compassionately looking. And I love to think of myself like I'll say this, I'll do this myself. And then also it's a it's a tool that I use often with clients, it's like, put your little self in your hands. And then locate yourself there and feel the compassion, really embody that. And it's like, okay, sweetheart, what, what do you need here? What do you need to forgive? What do you need to, to move not just like, go but move through to process, right? Because when we're looking at our relationship with food, and our body is so wrapped up in all of this other stuff, it can't just, it's not isolated. Right. And that's why this conversation is so so important. So can you talk to us more about that? Yeah.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

I think that you So I think forgiveness actually starts with owning what our default is. Right? So. So we are being raised in societies where our so this all came about, because, like my, my aha moment about this all came about because last year I was yeah, it didn't take, it took until I was 47 Stinking years old. So last year, I was at an event. And one of my friends said to me, Have you always been this confident? And I was like, I'm confident, like you're talking to me? And she's like, you're so confident. And I was like, Oh, that's cool. Um, and I was like, I don't know, hold on. And I called my mom. I was like, Hey, Mom, was that confident when I was a little kid? And she's like, oh, yeah, you came out of the womb confident, like, you could own a room like no other. She's like, you have always just known everything. And, and I sat there for a minute, and she's like, and then your dad died when you were six. And then you weren't so confident. And I was like, interesting. Tell me more. And she's like, I think my mom's like, I think you've battled with this your whole life. Like, you know, you just know Missy, you're intuitive. You read other people's energy, you can walk into a room and gauge who needs what, where like, I'm a connector, it's what I do like, and I'm confident and not like, I really can walk in and into any space and not know anyone and not have any previous information. And I can totally read what's going on. Right? Like, and I and that is my default. My default is to be loud. It's to be funny. It's to take up space, like that's my default. Well, what do we learn in this patriarchal, misogynistic, racist, white supremacist society, what we learn is to shut it up, shut it down, shrink yourself, literally, physically and verbally, right? Like, it doesn't matter how we're right, we can be raised by the greatest feminists on the planet and still receive those messages from the outside. Oh, yeah. That that we are supposed to shrink, right. But God does not want us to shrink. And here is where the forgiveness comes in. The forgiveness is about buying into the lie. And I was not raised Christian, I was not raised in a religious household at all. But I love God. And, and my theory is, no matter what you call it, but I think we if we believe in a higher power, calling back the word God from white supremacist, racist Christians, I think is really important. If God is love, and we are made in God's image, then we are love. And there is no other truth. But that and if that is true, if God is love, and we are made in God's image, and we are loves, and I am love, I am loud because I am supposed to be that's my role. I am big, because I'm supposed to be that's my role I I can forgive myself for buying into the lie, that I have spent literal deck decades trying to be quote unquote, perfect. And it and that I think is the second thing is to really start to look at this idea of perfection, perfection, according to who, like the whole looking good for Jesus thing, like, you know, showing up in our Sunday best and why? Like, like, when, whenever I transition out of this lights hitting somewhere else, I'm pretty sure wherever it is, I'm going there gonna be like good. Good row says like you really, you gave it everything you had. And, and that's, that's, that's what I hope women start to do is just just give it everything you've got, like, you're okay, it's okay. And you don't have to do this in isolation. Like, we need connection. And, you know, I say what you will about social media and its dysfunction, which it is. There is some I wouldn't have met you without it. Right? Yeah. This is where Aren't you

Chanci Dawn:

so grateful for social media?

Dr. Melissa Bird:

The most beautiful relationships I have with women and men, but women are because of social media. Yeah, like, but there is beauty in that. And yes, we can get into the scroll and we can get into the addiction of it. And if we are willing to forgive ourselves for buying the lie that we have to be anything other than our default. God made me this way. I can't be anything other than Dr. Melissa bird. I am me II Oh, full body chills me. I am a heavy metal hard rocking, Libra Aries passionate, driven, big ass human being. I love to shop, I love, you know sensuality. I love my body. I love my boobs. I love everything about me, because I've stopped trying to fit into some perfect box that says that I am broken. And I deserve to hurt myself. And I spent years hurting myself and hurting my body. Because I was I thought I wasn't allowed to be confident. But I was born coming out of the womb confident. So one of the greatest ways to to disrupt this perfectionist narrative which we all have as women, men do not have it, by the way, but women do. One of the greatest ways to disrupt it if you can. And you have this kind of relationship with your mom, I have a tortured relationship with my mom, but I could call her and say, Hey, lady, have I always been this confident? Because if you can talk to your parents or your friends, and I have two friends that I've had since one since she was born, and one since we were two, we went to preschool together. And they all said the same thing. Missy, you are always like this when you are again. So if you can find out what you were like when you were a kid, if you can ask. And you ask what have I always been quiet? Have I always been loud? Have I always taken up space? Have I always been a wallflower, then you know your default. And then you don't have to try and fix it to fit into something that you're not

Chanci Dawn:

right. Because there's nothing to fix. And I think that is such an important message. And this really goes back to the redefining love that you're speaking of. God is love and I made in God's image I Am Love. There's nothing not to love. If I'm love because it's pure love. We Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

And not romantic, sexualized, idolize, like, whatever this bullshit Valentine's Day love. I have to earn it. It can't just cut No, we're love. Yeah, pure and simple. We are love. You know, I know that. Because I have put squeaky shoes on two year olds and watch them wander around. And that there's nothing more lovely than watching a little two year old run around with squeaky shoes on because they're like, whoa, I'm making a noise. This is to me, that's love. You know, I know we are loves because of the sunrise in the sunset.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

It is glorious. When you get a good sunset. That's love.

Chanci Dawn:

Absolutely. And it really goes back to the church wound that I've experienced big time in the original sin and looking at like babies cry. And they or little kids will take toys from the other. And that just shows that we are dirty and sinful. And as the opposite of we are love babies crying because they have needs, yes. How are you to enhance

Dr. Melissa Bird:

that capacity in that way, right. And it doesn't matter if you're raised Christian or not, you still learn about original sin. And I gotta tell you, I actually have a chapter about this in my book, that I'm in the middle of writing, that the original sin is not about sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll Original Sin is about not listening to our calling original sin, the message that Eve had that was given to her was, listen, you are here with purpose on purpose. Don't ignore it. This is ignoring your purpose. That's what we repent for. The evil is not following the true calling that we have on this earth and continuing to do the things that we think we should be doing versus what we are actually here to do.

Chanci Dawn:

This brings me full circle into the you know, you've already talked about perfection, and patriarchy and the diet culture, right, intentionally keeping women stuck, right women looking at shrinking themselves being smaller, thinking that my worth is determined by the size of my body and they tried to control food, which is actually we need it it is a gift. And it's the same it's like eat this but not too much be this but not too much. Right? It's so wrapped up in that. Yeah, and when I think about it, it's Yeah, taking specifically women out of their purpose because

Dr. Melissa Bird:

and out of their natural state of being

Chanci Dawn:

Yeah, and oh my gosh, I'm

Dr. Melissa Bird:

because when we're in our natural state of being and we just are exactly as we are meant to be. We are powerful beyond measure. Yeah.

Chanci Dawn:

And that is not be controlled. All right. Oh, my God. Everyone needs to Okay. If you're listening to this show right now share it with your two closest friends. Yeah. Because this absolute this message this truth needs to be spread and known. Every single person deserves to have like the full body goose bump eruption I just did when we're talking about this, because this is what this is at the core of it. Yeah. Right. When we feel our relationship with an obviously my passion is helping women heal their relationship with food and their bodies so they can live wildly free and loving lives full lives. When when you can work on that. And that is your your goal isn't to just, you know, be comfortable in your body. But your goal is to be able to live the life that you're here to live in your natural state who you are.

Dr. Melissa Bird:

Yeah. Yeah, yes. Oh, and I think one, I just really want people to remember, like, you don't have to do this alone. Like, like, we are not meant to live in isolation, alone. And we are meant to connect. And we are meant, even when we are not connecting in person, really fully looking at each other in the eye and saying, Oh, hey, I see you, right, like, hearing each other, listening to each other. And I want to add this because it's just coming in. So I'm just going to add this as the thing. Keep in mind, think of the top five musicians, authors, speakers, people. Think of those people. The top five that you have, right? So for me, hands down, Metallica is number one.

Chanci Dawn:

We're so different there. I'm like Sarah McLaughlin,

Dr. Melissa Bird:

Metallica, the Virgin Mary. I love the Virgin Mary. I'm Brene Brown. She's super rad. Um,

Chanci Dawn:

I really said the Virgin Mary, I thought you meant it was a band. And I'm trying to

Dr. Melissa Bird:hard rocking troublemaker in:Chanci Dawn:

what if she was like, oh, no, I can't have a that'll ruin my body. I don't want stretch marks,

Dr. Melissa Bird:

I don't want stretch marks. I really would have been like, I must be the wrong person for this job. And denied it. The whole narrative around that story would have been lost, right. And this is what we really have to think about when we're thinking about forgiveness and perfection, and loving our bodies and redefining how we love our bodies is that if you deny, if you keep denying who you are and why you're here. Then people who are here to connect with you are denied that right? Every person that I am here to love, to lose, to connect with, to hold, to let free to inspire, to learn from every one of those people gets denied that interaction when we don't listen to who we are at our core. And if we don't know who we are at our core, then it is also our divine right to figure it out. Absolutely. And that is why I think what you're doing is so powerful tansy because you're not just helping people understand food in their bodies, but you're helping people tap into, oh, this is what I really want. This is is who I really am. This is my purpose in the world. And if we don't do that, then we are denying them their opportunity to learn who they are and why they're here.

Chanci Dawn:

Thank you, I yet yeah, thank you, I receive that. And as I'm listening to this, I feel very emotional and in so much gratitude for you know, the work I've been able to do in this area of healing my own relationship with Bodhi and and exactly what we're talking about to be doing this very thing that I believe I'm putting on this earth to do. I'm so done, you know, years and years and years where I would spend so many hours like planning my meals and pining over cookbooks and trying to figure this out, or whatever, so much energy, so much, so much freaking brain power. And it's, I just love clearing that up. So now I could do a podcast. Right. And that's it. That is what I deeply, deeply wish for every single woman. And I

Dr. Melissa Bird:

think we do it because we're afraid of who we really are. Because we get told to be afraid of who we really are.

Chanci Dawn:

Exactly, it goes right back to that perfectionist right back to the patriarchy. And so this is I remember, you had me speak on one of your groups for the mob. And I remember talking about how this work, I believe in this relationship with her body, you know, coming home to ourselves and healing this is a powerful form of advocacy. It is this has to be done, it is time for women to to oh, actually live their lives, live their truth and be able to put out what we're supposed to do so absolutely. And I'm so proud of you for who you are and the work you've done and are doing and let's just like lead segue this right into talk about your program, because this is the it's so good. I'm super

Dr. Melissa Bird:

excited, because part of surrendering has been rebranding my whole business. So that's been exciting. I have created rebel school is actually transitioning, transitioning to become the art of the graceful revolution. And it is an 18 week program where we heal our shaman wounding and learn how to take inspired intentional action, and then really learn how to embody the acts of graceful revolution to change our communities and our lives. And so I'm really excited. Because,

Chanci Dawn:

yeah, sorry, I'm so excited. Oh, I'm like jumping on top of you, can you? What do you mean, when you say graceful revolution? What does that mean to you.

Dr. Melissa Bird:'s a dream that I had back in:Chanci Dawn:

Did you all hear that? Okay, now, so get on Instagram, follow her right now. Because this is something you're gonna want to be a part of. And I'm just like, So what just came to me, I think I need to do a little bonus section for your course. And we need to trade and you can do one for mine for a taste like I'm like I really want to be a part of that. So I'm just inviting myself

Dr. Melissa Bird:

that's how you get things people if you ask or you just tell you're talking about listening to your intuition

Chanci Dawn:

person. I'm listening to my guides more and I do it. Yeah, there we go. Do it. So okay, so for people to connect, I mean, I've mentioned your Instagram a couple of times. Is that the best way or how do you want people to to connect with you.

Dr. Melissa Bird:media at bird girl dir DG IRL:Chanci Dawn:

Okay, so good. And do you have a newsletter for people to get on? And

Dr. Melissa Bird:

I do and I'm super excited because in the next couple of weeks, we're going to be updating the what what people get is a five tributaries of the lies of perfection when that's coming. So I'm really excited yet you can find me at Natural Born rebel.com. I'm just I just thank you so much. Chances are,

Chanci Dawn:

you're just such a joy. I love this. And I can't wait to actually meet you in person and give you a hug. And I'm taller than you. So there you go. And I've also been big boned in the 80s. Now I'm not I'm just curvy. names change all the labels, right? Oh, gross. Gross. Okay, well, is there anything last minute pearl of wisdom that you want to leave the listeners with?

Dr. Melissa Bird:

My favorite last minute pearls of wisdom comes from Eleanor Roosevelt who's one of my heroes, and it is this. Do one thing every day that scares you. And if you do one thing every day that scares you, you end up living a life that is just full of enrich and glorious. So that's my nugget.

Chanci Dawn:

Yeah, that I love that. Actually, I must have heard it. Obviously I've heard that but I didn't know the reference. So thank you. That's a beautiful pearl of wisdom. Well, thank you so much. You are amazing. And I can't wait for the listeners to hear this. This is such a good show. Okay, hon.

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