How to Honour YOU Through all Your Urges | Ep.48

Do you know what’s really common when you stop emotional eating? Starting emotional drinking, shopping, scrolling etc. etc. etc. Your brat brain doesn’t want to feel anything but good and when she does she’ll drive you to disconnect from and burry your feelings. This is normal, you’re ok, and you also don’t have to listen to her. In this episode, Chanci explains why your brain loves to buffer and how to love her through it so you can stay true to your commitment to freedom.

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About the Host:

Chanci Dawn is a non-diet certified nutritionist, mindset and embodiment coach whose soul’s purpose is to help women create the most wildly free and loving relationship with food and their bodies. After over 30 years of dieting and recovering from her own eating disorder, Chanci is determined to help women find the same freedom she has through embodied eating and pleasurable living. Chanci believes that when you fall madly in love with yourself you’ll have the power to change your world and from there you can change the world around you making embodied eating a deep and powerful form of activism! 

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Chanci Dawn:

This show is about freedom. Freedom from your constant struggle with food and letting the size of your thighs determine your worth. Join me weekly for no whole fat, unfiltered girlfriend kind of conversations that will inspire, teach and empower you. As we tune into our own body's wisdom and tune out of the diet industry lives, we can live our most radiant, pleasurable and fulfilled lives. My name is Chanci Dawn. I'm a non diet nutritionist embodiment and mindset coach. But most importantly, I'm a woman on a mission to grow a deeply connected and conscious relationship with food and my body. And I'm here inviting you to do the same. Let's go.

Chanci Dawn:

Hello, dear one. As I sit here on International Women's Day, and the day after the full moon, I'm feeling all the freakin feels. And I just decided to push record and to record a podcast because I'm so deep in my emotions right now. And I'm just experiencing like, such extreme embodied experience of sensation with these emotions that I'm like, I just have to have a conversation with you. I just have to, man, I wish I could just gather all of you who are listening into my room right now because this is where I'm recording. And just sit here in a circle with candles, and pouring out our hearts and just feeling our emotions together, talking about all the things that matter and supporting each other. Of course, you're not all here in my bedroom. But here I am. And I'm really holding you, dear. I'm holding you, dear listener, so tight right now, and really just loving on you. And if this is sounding Whoo, that's okay, my wanting to talk about energy and feel your energy here and all of this, but we don't have to go there. Just know that I love you. And that I'm holding whatever is going on for you, dear to my heart right now. I may not know you, I don't know what's going on. And I don't know how you feel right now. But collectively, we are going through a ton of stuff in this world, collectively and individually. So let's just all hold the space of love and acceptance and healing for each other. I saw this thing on I think it was Instagram the other day talking about I'm gonna probably completely balk botch this up. But it was like saying, when you view yourself is broken, then you think you have to be fixed. Versus if you just noticed your wounds. If you feel like maybe you just have some booboos some big ones, maybe some small ones. But if that's the case, you don't need to be fixed. You need to be healed. And when it comes to healing, when it comes to healing, this frozen tension, right, these big traumas, these little traumas that make us feel broken, the first step is to really sink into the truth that you aren't, you are whole, you are enough. And the process of healing these wounds is coming back to that wholeness. And when we first start this journey of embodied eating, and we start paying more attention to why we're eating, when we do and why we're eating what we are. And asking ourselves, does this really serve me is this truly what my body needs right now to thrive either for fuel or pleasure. And when we really start to ask ourselves this, and then we start to not eat when we're feeling emotional, right? Any sort of emotion counts here from boredom, to anger, to sadness, to happiness to ecstasy, whatever emotion it is, when we go to food, instead of feeling these emotions. what essentially happens is it does buffer them. it dampens our experience of them because an emotion is simply a vibration created by a thought that we experience in the body. So when we can stop eating for these emotional reasons, and instead feel these feelings, things can feel hard. We often feel worse before We feel better. And this is really normal. So I really want to comfort you in this and prepare you for this. But also, let's just like really acknowledge the fact that it can be really difficult. All of the things will start to bubble up for you as you allow them. And this is a key to remember, you don't have to allow and feel anything you're not ready for. Really pay attention to this. Allow yourself to feel safe in what you're feeling, and get the support you need in order to be able to move a little further in to the discomfort every single time. And some of you might be like, Okay, here's an emotion, I think this is going to be so hard to feel. I had this one client, I love her and she was really, really resistant to feeling lonely. And one day, she was like, Okay, I'm ready. I'm ready to just feel the lonely. And she prepared for it. She got blankies she got her cat, she got cozy slippers, she was ready to just be in the lonely. And she told me that when she sat down, she was like, Okay, I'm not going to eat the loneliness away tonight, I'm going to feel it. And she felt into it. And she was like, oh, okay, is that it?

Chanci Dawn:

On average, and emotion actually only lasts 90 seconds. That doesn't mean it's not going to be oh my gosh, like a lot, a lot of discomfort to feel it. But when you can understand this, then you can trust your body, to experience that sensation, trust your brain, to feel that emotion and to have thoughts about it and to be able to move it through you. Okay. But in this as I was just saying, you can always bring yourself back, you don't have to stay there. If it feels like it's too much, bring yourself back to safety. What I really wanted to talk about today, and I'm just free flowing this because I'm just like, Okay, God, whatever, whatever is, you whatever, however you want me to love on them today, just come through me, I'm the vessel come through me. So this is source energy, I believe speaking from me to what you may need to hear today, when we start to feel our emotions, more and more, and we start to honor our bodies and eat for fuel and pleasure which is planned. And then we stop eating to buffer stop eating to distract and to take ourselves out of our emotions, we will start to Yes, feel uncomfortable. But we will also start to feel a lot more pleasure, a lot more of those beautiful juicy emotions. And I talked about this all the time, how we could grow our capacity to feel on both sides. Good news. But I want you to watch out for this. This one really important thing that our brains love to do. Watch out for it. Because awareness is the first step. When we stop emotionally eating. Quite often we will start emotionally drinking wine, or emotionally binging Netflix or emotionally flipping through Facebook for hours on end or Instagram or Tiktok. whatever your thing is, I'm 45 Almost so Facebook. That's where I'm at still, it's kind of funny. I told my son when he was I think around 13. I'm like, Okay, you can get Facebook. Like I was really thinking I was giving him this really great thing there. And he's like, Mom, why would I want to be on there with you and all your 40 year old friends. This is like, oh, okay, but anyways, sidenote, I digress, let's bring it back. When we stop using the buffer that we are used to, in this case, food, your brain is going to resist feeling these emotions because they're hard to feel and remember in the stress, any discomfort to your brain feels like a threat to her. She thinks you're going to die. She wants to keep you out of that. So her job here is to go okay, how can I feel better now? How can I not feel this? How can I distract myself? How can I buffer this? And that's where we'll start to do other things. Pick up new habits to replace the eating pattern that we used to buffer with. So think about this in your life. When you are like okay, I'm going to feel this emotion I'm not going to emotionally eat. What are you drawn to that is actually taking you out of The feeling out of your life essentially, for me, it is absolutely scrolling on social media. Absolutely. I will see myself on there. And then I'll be like, kind of lost in a rabbit hole in there. And then I realized when I stop, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm feeling blank, whatever is coming up. And this is how my brain is taking me out of it. Knowledge is power. And again, there's no shame. We don't want to judge ourselves in any of this. We just want to bring ourselves home, bring ourselves back to that commitment we have made, to be able to heal ourselves whole. healing yourself whole means allowing the emotions to flow, allowing them to process of feeling them and accessing their for the thoughts that are creating them. What's there for you, what is there for you? And what do you really, really actually need to heal? I guarantee it's not the bucket of any Jerry's, or the bottle of wine, none of those things that allow ourselves to feel so that we can heal. Now let's talk about feeling. Let's talk about these emotions. There's a lot of wording around this saying, just sit with it, sit in it. That word sit can actually I think Do us a bit of a disservice. Yeah, it totally can work for some people for sure sitting stillness that allows it to flow. However, for women, we need to move, we are not made to sit still and meditate for hours. Meditation is a beautiful, it's a beautiful practice, very beneficial. But it was originally created for male monks. It's not created for women and for our energy and for the flow and the chaos within all of this emotional, feminine energy that we possess, which is so beautiful, yet we are taught to hold it in, write. Don't be too emotional. Don't be don't be too crazy. Don't be chaotic, don't be a hot mess. All of these things. It's like chaotic, hot mess. These are all such negative connotations to this actual very natural aspect of being female, and having all of this feminine emotion and energy in us. Now when I talk about this feminine energy, it really is an archetype we all have this masculine and feminine energy in us. But our society kind of teaches not kind of it definitely teaches you how to really foster this masculine energy, okay, that go for it, the achievement that forward focus, drive, hustle, and then stillness where that feminine energy that we all have no matter what gender you identify us, we all have both but this feminine energy is what we really need to start going into more in order to heal. This is again the flow this is allowing all of those emotions to bubble up which feels chaotic. This is allowing ourselves to like ah breathe and cry and scream and how will a Rimal allow it to come up and out and through this is what we need to be able to move all of this energy all of these emotions all of this perhaps trauma out of our bodies so that we can feel whole

Chanci Dawn:

Hey, they're chanci. Here, I'm interrupting the show to let you know about something really exciting. If you've been listening for a while, or even if right now is your very first episode. And it's hitting a chord and your soul is going Yes, I want this for me. Please reach out in May I am launching the it tastes like freedom group program. This is going to be a group of like minded women who are going to link arms together to help each other walk towards food and body freedom. I'm going to be coaching my butt off in this group, I tell you and it's going to be so much fun. So if you want to work with me, this is how we're going to do it. And you can simply go to Chanci dot com forward slash work with me or go to the show notes. I put the Lincoln there to make it easy for you, I cannot wait to connect.

Chanci Dawn:

Now, what I'm really inviting you to do here is to allow all of these urges all of these desires for immediate gratification, for immediate availability of exiting, whatever's going on for you. Allow all of them food, wine, Netflix, online shopping, scrolling through social media, even over exercising, this is a big one. And it's actually really, really encouraged in our society. But going and exercising and just running and disconnecting and just feeling that runner's high, that actually can be a form of buffering. So only you know what is right for you. But check in is this bringing me closer, right? Is this action bringing me closer to the result I want of healing and learning about myself and building a beautiful relationship with my body? Meaning I'm listening to her, I'm honoring her? Or is this making me further away from that taking me further away from that, you will know allow your brain to get curious and tune into your body for the answer she knows. So when these things come up, that we know our brain really loves to go to to disconnect us. Instead, I invite you to ask these questions. First of all, give yourself permission to do whatever the heck you want. If you want to scroll on social media for hours on end, you're allowed you are an adult, you have agency, you are not being told no. So when we give ourselves permission, what this actually does is it calms the brat brain. She's like, Oh, okay, you're not putting me in a box. Oh, okay. I can do this if I want to. Because as soon as we tell her no, no, you can't have the cookies. No, you can't have the wine. No, no, no, no, no, she becomes fixated on it, and experiences that know as stress. And that's all she wants. This is why it feels sometimes like I remember sitting on the couch and telling myself no to the cookies, no to the cookies, no to the cookies. And then I'm like, Screw it. I'm just gonna go eat all the cookies, and then they'll be gone. And I won't have to think about it anymore. And it was essentially it really was the know that was causing that urgent feeling. So when we want something for pleasure, right? When we want something at that serves us it doesn't feel urgent. It feels calm, you could take it or leave it. So check in how do you feel? Are you trying to disconnect? Are you trying to bury your feelings? What is going on for you? Curiosity, get curious with tons of compassion. Of course I can have this if I am an adult? I can. Now do I really want it? This question is so powerful, because of course on the surface, your brain is gonna go Yeah, of course you want it? Of course you want this cheesecake? Or of course you want, you know to binge watch whatever show on Netflix to disconnect course you want to. But getting curious allows you to go deeper. If I'm allowed to do it, no one's telling me I can't full permission. And I can ask myself Do I really want to without the stress of the no attached? Then you get to go to your Why? Why are you making these commitments to yourself in the first place? Why are you choosing to connect with your body to hurt us? Why do you want to start feeling your emotions instead of burying them down? Why why why keep going there, keep unpacking, keep questioning this. And this is where coaching can really help because I love the the analogy of a pickle jar, right? We cannot see the label of our own jar when we're the pickles in the jar. You just can't to the extent that we really do require in order to really get deep and do all of that necessary work. So to become back to our wholeness, right. So it's like having someone ask the questions, having someone non bias from the outside in get curious with you is incredibly valuable. So with that, why, why actually don't I want it get very intimate, very, very intimate. it with your why. Now from here, it's like, okay, yes, I do or No, I don't. The next question is do I like my reasons for doing so? Again, this goes back to your Why do I like my reason for saying, You know what, I actually don't want this right now, is it because I think on the other side of it, I'll be so bad and I'll judge myself and there'll be guilt, blah, blah, blah. If that's it, most likely, you're not giving yourself full permission ahead of time. When you give yourself permission, and your nervous system is calm, you can say, Why do I like my reasons for my decision here, and it feels empowering. It's like, right, I am a woman who honors the emotions I'm going through. I am a woman who knows how to feel lonely, or feel sad. I'm a woman who can go to a party and have the whole buffet table sitting in front of me, and I can have some of the food for pleasure, some for fuel tune into my body and know when I've had enough, no, when I've had enough for fuel, or if I have any more, it's not even going to be pleasurable. It's just a waste. Okay, so I'm a woman who fill the blank. Who are you? Who are you growing into? Own that? Now? This is your answer to do I like my reasons for doing so. Okay, powerful, powerful, powerful questions, and insight. And at first, this can start to feel very well a lot, right? I have a lot of clients going, Oh, my goodness, every single time I have an urge for whatever it is food or otherwise, you want me to go through all these questions like that's gonna take forever. But it actually doesn't. At first, it feels a little tedious. But as you do this, it becomes second nature. And for me, it's like a matter of seconds tuning in, do I want it yes or no? Why do I like my reasons for that. And this is the embodied experience. As you do this, you become more and more in tune with what is truly right for you. And you learn how to trust yourself on such a deep, gorgeous level, I really want that for you. So give this a go this week, let me know how it goes for you. You can either email me or send me a voice message. This is a new thing we're doing here. And so far, it's going good. I'm enjoying it, add forward slash connect with Chanci. And again, this is absolutely in the show notes. If you just want to go into there, click it. And you can leave me a voice message and I will reply, let's get this conversation going. How can you love you more? Okay, my friend, thank you so much for tuning in. It has been such a pleasure having you. And if you're wanting to go deeper with this work and to get the support that you deserve, while you go deeper, let me know, connect with me. Let's have a discovery call. Because I am starting the group program. It tastes like freedom. We're launching it in May. And I have room for eight women. So if you're thinking I might love to be one of those eight women. I would love to work with Chanci, to be able to not just listen on the podcast and not just understand this on a cerebral level, but to apply it, to learn it to live it to apply it. So it's like your heart center. This is where we want you to know it in your hearts. Mind. I love that. I'm so touchy feely today. Oh my goodness. I'm hearing myself and I'm just like, This is hilarious. I hope you're getting a kick out of it too. Okay, my friend. Have a great day.

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