Stop Trying to Love Your Body with Paula Bonaccorsi | EP.18

Chanci Dawn: 00:00:05

This show is about freedom. Freedom from your constant struggle with food and letting the size of your thighs determine your worth. Join me weekly for no whole fat, unfiltered girlfriend kind of conversations that will inspire, teach and empower you. As we tune into our own body's wisdom and tune out of the diet industry lives, we can live our most radiant, pleasurable and fulfilled lives. My name is Chanci dawn. I'm a non diet nutritionist embodiment and mindset coach. But most importantly, I'm a woman on a mission to grow a deeply connected and conscious relationship with food and my body. And I'm here inviting you to do the same. Let's go.

Chanci Dawn: 00:00:54

Hello, my friends. Welcome to today's show. So a couple of days ago, I did a real on social media about the fact that I was going to be recording a really vulnerable podcast episode about a circumstance that I went through that brought up all my shit. It literally brought up everything that I can imagine as far as my relationship with my body goes. So I am going to record that for you. But if you came on to listen to it today, my apologies. That's not going to be what you hear. Because as life has it, you know, circumstances have happened. I'm currently sitting in my car in the blistering heat without the proper microphone, and it's just crazy. So have you ever seen the movie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? Okay, so think back if you have think back to that, that scene where his family pulls up in that like rickety old RV and pulls up. And it's just, it's hilarious and shocking, and so trashy, for lack of better words. Well, that's how I'm feeling right now. Because we've been camping for the last week. And tonight, we were staying at my partner sister's house. But we pulled up and her little girl is sick. So unfortunately, we can't even go in the house because she has to sleep and we're all outside in the yard. And if you could see this, I think you would, you would just be dying right along with me because we have blankets, pillows, towels, everything hanging all over their fans all over the car all over the camper, wet clothes everywhere. It is chaos, kids running everywhere. So I was going to have a nice cozy room to record in. And now that's not happening. So lucky you I actually already have the beautiful interview that I was really looking forward to hearing. It was going to be aired in September. But plans change. It's going to be here today for you. And I think it's just perfect. You know, everything works out as it's supposed to. So come back next week for the other show. And but today you're going to be you're going to be meeting a wonderful woman named Paula Bonaccorsi. So I connected with Paula is through the feminine embodiment, coaching alumni group are both a part of that. And she is a body image coach that partners with women read it to reclaim the relationship with their body. And she says that it's her passion to do so because when a woman is empowered, connected to her body and her sense of purpose, everyone in society benefits Heck yeah, they do if you have listened to this show at all, you know that that is what we are all about. So I am beyond excited for you to listen in on this great conversation I had with Paula there's so many tech takeaways it's just really it i just i i Seriously walked away from it feeling so refreshed and inspired and really encouraged and really uplifted. So that is my hope for you as well. So my friend enjoy the show

Chanci Dawn: 00:04:13

Hello, Paula, super happy to have you on here and I'm good. Thank you. And yes, it's it's great. I It's funny, we've never met we've never even talked until now. But I feel like actually you know you because I love your Instagram and everything you're posting and I follow it and I'm just you know super super thrilled with your what you're putting out there. So really pumped to have you on to have this we were talking before they were just pretending we're in a cafe sitting across from each other with like, you know, cool vibes and we're just going to have this conversation about body image.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:04:53

And yeah, especially about body image

Chanci Dawn: 00:04:59

So I've already read your bio, so everyone knows who you are. But I would love for you apologist to start by sharing your heart of what brought you to the place where this is what you're working in, like, this is your heart's passion. So can you share your story with us?

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:05:18

Yeah, absolutely. And this is something that I've, I guess I've been unpacking for the last few years now. But I think, spending a lot of time unpacking my own personal body story, I realized that the first time that I had an awareness of having a body and how others have viewed it was when I was a young child. So I remember being probably about four or five, and some parents of my parents, friends of making comments about like, my body, like, Oh, you've got such like a pretty pretty face. And although that sounds complimentary, and it was obviously intended to be kind, but I all I took from that as, like, what's wrong with the rest of my body. And I think that was like that first moment in time where I was like, There's something like, what, there's something wrong, like we've made like the, you know, there's something in my body that doesn't look like everybody else's. And I think growing up, I was always in a bigger body. Like, I always knew that I looked differently from other people. And, obviously, being an awkward teenager, you go through those motions, and always feeling like, I never quite measured up never quite had the confidence within myself. And you know, how I sort of like, interacted with friends and relationships, boyfriends, I was always the one sort of sitting to the side, watching everyone else living their life. And then as I got older, you know, it'd been in my 20s, I would like just absolutely thrash myself at the gym. Like I would hire trainers and pay 1000s of dollars to be told to under eat and over exercise. And I would do like ridiculous training sessions twice a week, I was exhausted. I was the thinnest I'd ever been. But I was exhausted. And I thought like, like, Why? Why am I like, what am I trying to achieve here? And I think, then, sort of, I guess that body image sort of body positivity conversation sort of started happening a little bit around me. And I think, you know, I went through a series of having bad relationships where I didn't feel like I could honor boundaries, or sort of respect my body. Because say, Yes, when I wanted to know when I wanted to, and I guess one of the big transformational points in my life is like, I studied to be a nutritionist. And so I studied so hard, I dropped down to part time work, I, you know, dedicated to my clinic hours. And at the end of it, I remember in my last shift, having a conversation with one of the other, my peers, and we were both saying, like, this is so awesome, what we want to do, but actually don't feel like I have the body to do this kind of work. And it's just, and so making decisions from this place of like, not having a good relationship with my body is just, I guess, a lesson that I continue to learn over and over again, in my life. And so I think, you know, when I then realized that I needed to spend some time actually, healing a little bit of a sudo became more and more obvious to me that it was asking for my attention I worked with, like different healers and coaches, and that actually led me to study to become a coach. And really just like this fire for wanting to support other women, so that they aren't, you know, they're not also kind of living in the footsteps that I did, and like, able to, I guess, move make decisions from a place of respect and appreciation for their bodies rather than out of, like, disdain for their bodies, essentially. Yeah, that's what sort of be here.

Chanci Dawn: 00:08:59

Wow, thank you for that. Oh, my goodness. I yeah, I the nutritionist aspect of graduating going. Oh, yeah. You know, I totally relate to that so much. Right. And it's amazing how, how much that can hold us as women back from that true purpose of wanting to love on others and be able to help other women grow and heal. So what tell me like, where would you say your relationship was is with your body now?

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:09:33

Hmm. And this is one of the things that I sort of speak to a lot with, like clients and just in on my socials as well. It's I think that with body image work, it's, I guess, there's no end destination. I think because of the society that we live in where, you know, women's bodies, you know, there's this thin idealized body that's always you know, in everything we consume from us.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:10:00

Social media to the movies and, you know, music videos, the magazines that we read, I feel like we're constantly pushing up against those ideals or those unrealistic body ideals. But what I where I'm at at the moment is that I have an awareness of those external influences that it can protect have the potential to impact how I feel about my body, and I'm really discerning with what I consume. So, you know, what's in my new social media feed? You know, am I seeing, like, bodies that look like mine reflected back at me? Am I following things? Because it truly motivates me? Or is it out of like, you know, that sort of fee motivation, like that shaming, like, Oh, I've got to, you know, got to look like that. So, I think now I've developed this sort of body image resilience, where, you know, there's still days, of course, where I'm like, oh, and depending where you're at, where I'm at, in my cycle, you know, you feel differently in your body, but it's also coming from a place of like, I value and appreciate what my body has carried me through in this life so far. And I think it's just that awareness that I'm more than what my body looks like now. And I deeply feel that I deeply feel that. Yeah,

Chanci Dawn: 00:11:11

yeah, that's so beautiful. And I love how you brought up awareness, right? Because it really does start with that awareness. First of all, like, where am I at? And how actually do I want to feel and then moving towards intentionally constantly, and how it is, it's nonlinear? Like, some days, I'm like, Oh, my goodness, my body, I'm just you, girl. And then other days. I'm like, I want to divorce you, but I can't. Myself, yeah.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:11:42

Absolutely.

Chanci Dawn: 00:11:44

Normal, like normalizing that, in that, you know, I don't think there's anyone who has done this work, who's like, Yes, I'm there. I don't think that yes, at all in the society we live in.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:11:56

Yeah. And I think if people are saying that they are there, then I wonder if if there's that true awareness of like, some of the things that are still impacting on that day to day and you know, I feel like, yeah, there's probably longer periods of time where we do feel like, yeah, like, I'm feeling myself today. Like, no. And I guess the one thing that I would add to that, actually, is that, like, on those days, it's unconscious of moving through it with, like, kindness and compassion, like, you know, stop separating myself, like to feeling a certain way, and just sort of feel it and have a cry, feel a little bit down in the dumps and sort of let it sort of pass through and know, then, you know, tomorrow or next week, I'll start to feel differently again.

Chanci Dawn: 00:12:47

Yeah, yes. Yeah. And yeah, and being that word, surrender, right. Surrender to and the natural rhythm and the cycles of being a woman, like you said, with your cycle and everything like that, and being able to get super curious about it all. Yeah, so create more awareness. So good. So this brings me one of my favorite posts you ever made. Because it's so aligns, and so aligns with the work I do as well. And I read it. I was like, Yes, I have. I can't wait to have a conversation with her. Your caption. I don't have it in front of me. But your caption was something like, stop trying to love your body. Yes. It's like, Yeah, this is yeah. Right. Because it feels like super counterintuitive. It's like, yeah, and then you read it, and then you get into the work. And it's like, that is such a deep wisdom. So can you like dig into that for us? Hmm,

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:13:40

absolutely. Yeah, so I guess, with a lot of, like, body positivity sort of campaigns that we see. And everything's about sort of loving, loving your body. And you know, you're beautiful, and all of those types of sort of catchphrases, which is, of course, well intended. But I think there's sort of two things. So firstly, when we're trying to love our body, like our body is always changing, you know, from the moment we are children to when we're teenagers, where we are in our cycle, if we're having a regular cycle for pregnant postpartum, like, when we hurt ourselves all the time. Like if we're feeling like really stressed or dealing with grief, like our body is constantly changing, and to try and sort of meet this standard of loving ourselves like That's exhausting to constantly Oh, my pressure. So much pressure. Yeah. It's like you said this. Normally, it's it's moving, moving sort of spectrum. It's not just like, I love my body today. And this is how like, this love kind of just will naturally follow as my body changes, like, you know, as we age as well, like our body is constantly changing. And so to try and love it is investing so much energy, and so much of our soul holes into something that's not like, that's a challenge. And so I think, you know, as I've evolved as a as a woman, and as a coach, I, you know, what, I guess the sort of the foundation for me is really like learning to respect value and appreciate your body fat. What?

Chanci Dawn: 00:15:19

Okay, so let's just listen. To write that down, respect, value and appreciate, respect, value and appreciate and really sink into, like, Okay, quite often I asked my listeners, if you're safe and you're not driving or whatever, and I'd hand on your heart, the other on your womb space. Which is respect feel like in your body, right? Like, what does that surrender? To be like, I don't have to feel over the top and love with you. I don't have to even like you right now. But what does respect? Feel? Like? Yeah, and just let that like, sink in? Oh, good. Tell me more. Tell me more.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:16:03

Yeah. Because I think when we trying to make decisions from that place of like, loving ourselves, and for a lot of people and for myself for so long, like learning to love yourself, like, it's such a big stretch, right? It's like, Oh, it's over there, I'm going to try and, you know, make my way towards it. But if we kind of distill it down to this sort of respect, value and appreciate, wherever we are in that spectrum of how we feel in our body, it's come, we distill it back down to that point, how do I, you know, want to move my body today? Instead of like, you know, in order to love my body, I need to go in, like, do 60 minutes of high intensity exercise today, how can I respect and appreciate and value my body today? With movement? Some gentle stretching? Is it a, like a quiet walk in, in, in nature, you know, those types of things? How am I feeling about you know, and I think you could speak to this with the food that I'm eating rather than, like, you know, coming from this place of always trying to be like, perfect, and I need, you know, if I love myself, I have to make these decisions. How am I respecting my body today? What does it need as nourishment? Like, it's just such a different approach to making decisions and navigating through life? I think,

Chanci Dawn: 00:17:23

Yeah, true. And I love that. Because when we're not feeling in the love, right, like, you're like, Oh, I just don't love going back. And you. And choosing respect, I think is, like you said, it's hard to go from here to here, right? From zero to 10 If people aren't watching the video, but yeah, to be able to always choose respect that that is something that we I believe, and I practice, so I really live it that you can always sink into it's it's it is that choice of respecting, yes, I once had a client to who she's like, I actually don't respect my body, I can't she get she got there. But she's like, I I'm not there. And appreciate really rang true to her like that, she was like, I can appreciate that my body gave me two children, I can appreciate that my body has brought me through these surgeries. And, you know, my body is the vessel that I wake up and experiences life through. And right. So if, dear listener, if respect value appreciate, don't resonate, find something that does, because it doesn't have to be Paul, as you know, teaching or mine or anyone else. It's like what resonates with you and start there? Because that is perfect wherever you're at?

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:18:42

Absolutely. And I think what that does is is it transfers that awareness internally. So rather than, you know, looking to the external sort of environment or world to validate or to draw comparison to it's like, how when I when I'm asking myself how I can respect value and appreciate or whatever other word resonates. I'm looking within within my, what do I feel within my body today? Rather than like, oh, how am I feeling in comparison to that person over there? Or whatever it is, in my external environment, it's just a it's a way of bringing back our energy inwards.

Chanci Dawn: 00:19:24

Yeah, so powerful. And even just starting there, I think can create so much awareness, like you were speaking of in the beginning. And two of the pillars that I teach in my, in my program, it tastes like freedom, like one is curiosity, and the other is compassion. Right? So that lends itself so well, like when I saw you teaching that I literally was like, I just want to go to Australia. You're from Australia, right? Yeah, yeah, sure. I just like dove right in a little bit more like, what land are you from? I always love it when people say that and I always have fallen tension and I'm like, Okay, so let's just like how coffee

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:20:05

actually gives it away though.

Chanci Dawn: 00:20:06

So absolutely. But it's funny. So many of my clients are Australian. I listened to your accent all day. And I'm like, it just seems so normal. Let's backtrack. Where in Australia are you from?

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:20:21

I'm from Sydney in New South Wales. Okay,

Chanci Dawn: 00:20:25

wonderful. Well, welcome to my Canadian boyfriend's kitchen right now. That's where we're at ready? Exactly. Funny. Oh, I love it. Oh, so good. So yes, that respect part is so huge. And one of the things that for me personally, that really started to transform my relationship with my own body. And I've talked about this on the podcast a lot. It's such a simple thing, but looking in the mirror in the morning, and then my brain, like my brat brain, that I call her that primal part that's looking for all the flaws to keep us safe, right? Like she thinks she's helping, but she is like, really not. So but to love on her. And, you know, so when I see myself and if that brat brain has thoughts, I will go back gently and say, I'm sorry, body, I'm not talking about you like this anymore. Right? And I and just, like, connect with her in that relationship. Because I think that's what's so important. You know, as we were speaking about, it's nonlinear. And there's going to be days where that brought brain is just going to be going wild with criticism. And if we start judging that, that feels like stress to our body, right, and then the and then it creates this like pattern and perhaps emotionally eating or more disconnect, or whatever it is. So being able to stop in that respect part and like, beautifully, not it doesn't might not be everyone's tool, but for me to be able to come back be like, Yeah, I'm truly sorry, I, I don't speak to like this. More like that has done so much for my relationship with my body. You do everything like that. Is that part? Yeah,

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:22:14

absolutely. And I think yeah, so much of what you're saying was just resonating. Sorry, I was just like,

Chanci Dawn: 00:22:19

yeah,

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:22:21

because I think we tend to be also in this, like binary approach to everything as well, or it's, you know, with, it's good or bad, or I love or respect my body, or I don't and, and I think what you're sharing just sort of speaks to that it's like, you know, moving through it, but one of the things that particularly kind of came up with as you were talking was around, creating space to be able to sit with the discomfort of some of those emotions as well. And I think, because I know, from my experience anyway, in terms of how I deal with big emotions, or a present or I'm not feeling right in my body is that I do tend to reach for the, you know, the, the piece of chocolate, or the glass of wine and those types of things. And it's like, hang on, create some space here. And especially if there's a lot going on at the moment, it's sort of slowing things down to go what's what's present here, like what's asking me to pay attention here, like my body's sort of, it's guiding me to it's saying, hey, I need I need a bit more TLC over here. And so it's how can I slow things down and whether that's with you know, a practice or you know, a ritual or whatever it might be, you know, or if it's just being out in nature and going for a walk and but a silent walk, like I'm really conscious of, especially I've got a puppy as I told you earlier, I'm so taking him for a walk, I won't listen to a podcast, and I intentionally am you know, observing the world around me and paying attention to my senses so that I can just connect with my body, rather than being in that sort of rat race of like, listen to the podcast, what's the dog doing? What am I doing when I get home? You know, what's on my agenda to for work? All of those things

Chanci Dawn: 00:24:10

better check to see

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:24:11

how many Yeah, how many separate have I done, like all of them. And all of those things, and, you know, it's not just pressures that we feel as women within our body, but in so many other facets of, of our life. And so I think it's, you know, when we can slow things down it curious. It not only benefits, how weak the relationship we have with our body, but so many other areas of our life too, which is really powerful.

Chanci Dawn: 00:24:37

And it's such a gift that our body gives us. I eat like, Hey, I someone's mowing their lawn outside. Can you like of course, when I start this they're like, Okay, this is the best time to mow my lawn. I'm like

Chanci Dawn: 00:24:53

oh yeah, exactly. Here we are. Mow the lawn. I'm Yes. So when you when you talk about how, when that brat brain has thoughts, and then we can go back and get curious how often something deeper is happening with our body that we can really tune in and love her through instead of like, wrestle matching constantly. That just feels so, like gracious to me. I love that. What's going on? Sorry, no, go ahead.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:25:31

No, I was just gonna say and that takes practice, like, it sounds simple in theory, but like to actually have to put that in practice, it takes time. And you know, you've got to, but it is such a gift when you when you are able to do it. Like it's, I guess nothing. We've got so many sort of limiting beliefs and sort of that we need to unpack about what we've been taught. What how unhealthy it means to sort of be in our body that Yeah, yeah. When we can sort of slow down and be curious and sit with. Yeah, it's such a gift, as you said.

Chanci Dawn: 00:26:09

So Paula, do you find that practicing this like practicing, okay, my, my focus here is valuing appreciating, respecting, and slowing down to be able to pay attention and learn from her. What is your experience been like, with going to love? Like, has that helped you actually come to a place where you can say, I love my body? Or what's your own personal experience with that?

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:26:39

Yeah, that's such a great question. I think for me, I have, for me personally, I steer clear of sort of trying to love my body, I think because I have in the past, for me, that hasn't worked, not consistently, and I feel like there's been so much more energy invested into trying to get to that place. Like that just doesn't resonate with me. But in saying that, I guess maybe it's just in a different kind of capacity. It's more around, like that acceptance, and I even at work, like all accepting something seems like could so like, you know, I'm just going to accept it a bit mediocre. But I think for me, yes. Probably, I don't consciously work towards trying to love my body. I feel like I make better decisions for my body and my health, my wellness, when I come from that place of respect and appreciating and valuing it's, you know, like, I also I, someone that has to sort of hormonal conditions as well. And so for me, Oh, do you have

Chanci Dawn: 00:27:49

PCOS?

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:27:50

I have PCOS? Yes.

Chanci Dawn: 00:27:56

Absolutely. It's like, yes, respect comes in a lot when you're mowing lawns? Yeah, absolutely.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:28:04

It's just it's like, so trying to love them, like, respect it because this is my body, a cut fight, what my genetics are, and, you know, the impact that it has with my appearance. And you know, all I can do is take care of this vessel that I've got this this home that I live in, and, you know, treat her with respect, because, like, in a way that's moving the way that feels good in my body, sort of leaving behind that sort of old mindset of like, I need to be like, flogging myself in the gym. In a win win, I actually still didn't get the best results that I would expect for the level of work doing. So it's like, how can I how can I move? I guess I'm moving into a different phase of my life where it's like, it's important to take care of my health and well being but it's, that is the focus rather than like, any sort of physical changes, any physical changes are a gift on top of that, but that's not my primary focus, I suppose. Yeah. from a health perspective. Anyway,

Chanci Dawn: 00:29:08

I hear what you're saying. Yes, exactly. And that's very much in line with, with what I speak about in that we focus in right embodied eating is about trust, learning how to trust your body to show you what's right for her, and then honoring that, and then going, Oh, okay, wherever you go, wherever your weight settles your muscle, whatever's happening, right, then do trusting that that's what's best for her. And then that's where the practice comes in, to constantly go back to that right embodiment aspect of it, and that mindset of calming that brat brain when she's screaming at you. And yes, it's so, huh, it is it is definitely a practice but my gosh, like girls, if you're listening to this, if I can do it, and Paula can do it, you can do it too.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:30:00

It was absolutely it's developing that that trust in your body that she knows the way forward that she can sort of give you that insight and that knowledge of what what she needs for nourishment and, you know, in all aspects from mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, all of those things, all of those things. Yeah, yes.

Chanci Dawn: 00:30:19

So juicy good. I just so I don't know if this is too long. I don't even know what time it is. We've been on just over half an hour. That's okay. I always like when I get like guests like you on who I've actually want to connect with for a while. I'm like, can we just like chat forever. But I did notice it was a while ago, maybe even just last week or the week before you posted on Instagram, you had six tips, right for, for I forget exactly how you put up like body image or something like that. And I purposefully didn't read it, because I'm like, Oh, this will be great to ask you about on here. And so it's all fresh to me, too. So is that something you'd like to share?

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:31:06

Yes, absolutely. So I said that was a from memory six tips for navigating those challenging body image days. Yeah. And so yes. And so there was the first one was around having awareness of your external environment. And so that is what you're consuming with your social media. I think that's such a big one, you know, knowing what what you're consuming? And what message is it sending to you about the body that you exist in? And then the second tip was around then having an awareness of what's happening internally, when you're consuming those things around you? Like how is that making you feel in your body? Like, are you feeling tension and tightness? Are you feeling shame is their anxiety prison and sort of being able to get a little bit curious with that. So then we also had, oh, gosh, there was around there was one there around knowledge that we live in this sort of binary world, and we kind of spoke to that a little bit as well. You know, that I'm either having a good day or a bad day and how you're feeling one day doesn't sort of dictate how the rest of the week will be or the few months following that. And it's just knowing as was again, spoken about that it's a linear process where we are in our cycle, if we're experiencing cycles, going to change how we feel in our body. Then there was a tip around connecting with you. So having like a practice or a ritual or getting from like getting some connected to your senses. So a way of getting out of your thinking head and back into your feeling body. Nice. Yeah. So that could be just sort of settling into your breath with your eyes closed or really sort of intentionally, you know, sitting and being aware of okay, how does you know how to what's what am I feeling on my skin, can I feel the clothes sitting on my body, like getting really down to that level, in connecting with your body. And the other tip there was around re parenting yourself. So being kind and compassionate. And knowing that, I guess speaking to yourself how you would speak to a friend as well. And the final one was around self compassion, stopping that self comparison and that self and moving towards self compassion as well. So really, I guess he has stopped looking for that external validation and what's going on externally and, and how can I practice kindness to myself and that compassion for where I'm at?

Chanci Dawn: 00:33:46

Yeah, yeah. Beautiful, so much wisdom there. I love the RE parenting yourself. One thing that, that I love to do is, you know, actually, I physically hold my hands if I'm having like, a rough time, whether it's like body image stuff or whatever, beating myself up for something. I love, like putting my hands like this and like holding my little self in there and being like, okay, Speedy. You know, I see you. And it's okay. If you're feeling like this, like we can welcome this and we can move through, we can feel it. And what do you the most right now, right? And that has like, actually have goosebumps, like, I've used that so many times. And it has absolutely it absolutely is. It feels so nurturing and validating and just, yeah, very, very, very tender. It's like mothering myself. Right. So I love that that was one of your tips because it's it's so valuable.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:34:44

Yeah, because so much of what we consume as well, particularly when it comes to like, beauty and body ideals. It's a lot of it is steeped in shame and that shame really, it's it's, it's really difficult to move through and to navigate out of. And so when we can just stop to be and be a little bit more gentle with ourselves and show that compassion, it's, it really does go a long way. And it may feel uncomfortable initially, because again, it's not necessarily something that we are taught. But when we can sort of, yeah, treat ourselves with that kindness and that, you know, read parenting and speaking to ourselves as we would speak to a friend if they were feeling or experiencing those emotions. And just so so much.

Chanci Dawn: 00:35:35

I love your puppy barking, like, I have stuff to say to you. Oh, yeah, definitely so much wisdom there. And I've ever seen this meme. And it had forget, it was a woman, I think she was like in her 80s. And she had all these muscles and you know, good for her like, but it said in it, so and so is ad look at her, What's your excuse? And like, even that, when that is what, and we look at that, and that's put out there as motivating, right? Yeah, then it is so shame inducing. So rooted in shame, and that not good enough. And you read it's like, what's my excuse? And so the opposite is what you're saying about that compassion. paucity, and gentleness and re parenting, and from there we can, like, respect our bodies and take care of her from a deep place of and I'm gonna say love. Yeah, and that choice to go back to that again and again and again. And that absolutely is freedom.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:36:46

Hmm, absolutely. Such freedom. And I think that's where I, you know, I think in the first instance of trying to get from zero, like, you know, potentially hating my body to 10 loving my body, the hard sort of leap for some people because of that, those types of messages, like, you can't love yourself from a place of hate or dislike, or, you know, so that's where it's, you know, bringing it back to Okay, well, how can I move through this with a bit of kindness and compassion, or point of respecting what my body's carried me through? And how can I be a little bit, you know, value my body for for what it's, it's done for me in life? And, you know, making decisions from those places? And yeah, eventually it gets it will get to, you know, I guess there is that element of love. Absolutely. in whatever capacity that resonates with you, for sure. Yeah, yeah, it's

Chanci Dawn: 00:37:40

yes, I love the idea of, of our bodies, being like, we are our body. But I love the thought like we're our soul, our mind and our body, and how they're one but they're separate. And it's like that our body, we can build that relationship with her. Right. And it's like, I think about my own partnership with IBM and how love is a choice. It is respect, it is valuing and is appreciating, and it ultimately I do it because I want to show love, even if I'm not feeling it, I want to show it. Right. So yeah, like comes down into that foundational aspect of how do you show up for yourself and in this relationship with your, with your beautiful vessels? So oh, so good. Any last words of wisdom, anything that you're like dying to let all of us know?

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:38:37

Gosh, there's so how do I sum it up? I just, I guess I, you know, what fires me up so much in this work is that I just want, you know, women to come back to this knowing that they are so much more than what their body looks like, than the sum of their body parts. And I think if there's nothing else, that if you're listening to this, if there's nothing else that you take from this, it's knowing that you are more than your body, you have so much more value to contribute to your relationships, your community, your life, like there is so much more and so I think that I just want women to know that as a starting point, like that's just like I said, you know, and what was shared with in my bio, is that when a woman is really when they're connected to their body and their worth, and they are able to value and respect their body like everybody in society benefits, you know, when she's connected to her purpose. Like when when, when a woman is living in her capacity in her full capability in her capacity, like everyone benefits if they're if she's a mother, her children benefit her partner benefits. Her friends benefit everyone and so

Chanci Dawn: 00:39:54

yes, and they will Yeah. Our listeners have been benefited so much from you in the work you've done and I Thank you and I honor the work you've done and where you're at and what you're putting out in this world. Like, keep it up, it is so valuable, I'm getting all emotional. And, you know, I, I think back to when I started doing my own work in this and how they're just, there wasn't the social media, I didn't have, you know, this support, it was like this island and like trying to navigate it and create this community and find people in LA, you know, and so for women like you who are doing their work for themselves, and everyday choosing that respect that honor the valuing and appreciating and putting it out there, that takes courage, it really does. So I really just want to, yes, honor. And thank you and keep it up because you're doing an amazing job. And on that point, tell us any offerings you have that you'd love to let the listeners know about. Yes, so

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:41:03

I have created a gift that I believe that you'll be sharing in the show notes, which is a five step guide to really loving your body. So I'm very excited or everyone listening to be able to grab a get a copy of that. And also, I offer one on one coaching. So this is something that I share on my Instagram page. And so I work with women in the three or six month coaching container. And yes, I would, I guess this is this is the work that lights me up being able to support and empower women for their own healing in being able to reclaim their relationship with their body. So wonderful.

Chanci Dawn: 00:41:44

So how how do well Instagram go find you on Instagram? So what I'll put the link in obviously the show notes. But right now if they're anxious, even you know, they don't want to go the show notes. They just want to go straight there and follow you. How do they do? Yes,

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:41:58

absolutely. So it is _PaulaBonaccorsi_ so surname is B O N A double C O R S I if you're really needing that right now. But please come stop by send me a message send me a DM or if there's, you know, check out my page. If there's anything there that resonates with you that you want to know more about, please let me know. I'm genuinely here to be of service and to just support women on this journey. Oh, yeah.

Chanci Dawn: 00:42:28

Well, thank you so much. And all of that information will be in the show notes. And I'm really looking forward to continuing being in contact with you. I see us maybe doing some like collaboration work in the future. Absolutely.

Paula Bonaccorsi: 00:42:43

It's been a wonderful to have this conversation with you. Thanks.